


Ethereal

by xtobefreex



Series: Akeshuake Server 2020 Secret Santa [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Both are switches though and they will switch so everyone is happy!, Bottom Amamiya Ren, Bottom Persona 5 Protagonist, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Ren has trauma from his arrests, Top Akechi Goro, panic attacks and dissociation, they get married
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28704012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtobefreex/pseuds/xtobefreex
Summary: Ethereal:[əˈTHirēəl](adjective) extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world; heavenly or spiritual.Out of habit from the long nights spent awake, Ren checked the time on his phone, the light from the display blinding him. Behind him, Goro grunted and tightened his hold on Ren, burying his face in Ren’s hair.3:17 AM, June 2nd,it read, and Ren fought back a soft smile.“Happy birthday, Goro,” he said softly, turning his phone off and dropping it on the carpeted floor before placing his hand over Goro’s. Goro almost immediately entwined their fingers, pressing a kiss to his back.And as Ren fell asleep, he knew that this was where he wanted to be.(I love you.). . .[ Akeshuake Velvet Room Server's Secret Santa 2020 gift, part two — for Jude. I hope you enjoy it. 💙 ]
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Akeshuake Server 2020 Secret Santa [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062014
Kudos: 56





	Ethereal

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder that this is the direct continuation of [Agape](/works/28320312) so please read that first! 
> 
> Any switch between Joker and Ren is intentional.  
> Joker refers to people by their confidant name as well, for the most part.  
> Just keep that in mind! 
> 
> Thank you so much to [Lotus](/users/LovelyLotus/), [Pana](/users/panaceaa/), [WitchofRoses](/users/WitchofRoses/), and my girlfriend for reading over this for me! You guys all saved the day 💕
> 
> (Please let me know if the formatting is off, AO3 formatting is... haha)

## The First Actual Kiss (pt. 1)

January 1st, 2017 — February 2nd, 2017

—but he didn’t lose Goro again. 

Imagine his surprise when he woke up on New Year’s Day after having a dream that he had no recollection of, waking up to two people that he didn’t know (one of which turned out to be his _cat_ of all things). Imagine the shock that he had felt when he learned that his friend’s deceased mother was standing in front of him, speaking to him as if he already knew her.

Imagine how he felt when Goro Akechi walked through the door of LeBlanc, poker faced as ever, asking to speak to Ren. 

(Ren was confused. What was going on? Why was Goro _here_ and not in a cell? Not that he wasn’t happy to see him, but _what_?) 

“You and I both know that something isn’t right,” Goro said to him, looking unusually disquieted for once, the façade that he ordinarily put on even for Ren nonexistent (though that was when their relationship was held together with thinly veiled lies). “On Christmas Eve, the both of us remember that I turned myself in, correct?”  
  
Hearing Goro confirm his own thoughts was reassuring; sometimes his memory grew fuzzy, an unfortunate side effect of the drugs that he had been pumped full of during his interrogation (it was a miracle that he hadn’t had a more severe reaction to the overdosing, really). Even still, Ren had absolutely no idea as to what was going on. He was sure that if Goro (Goro, who was alivealivealive and right in front of him) was here, then he at least had some inkling of what was happening, or he had suspicions. 

(That’s what Ren liked about Goro: he always seemed to be prepared, ready for anything.)

(It... was comforting. It eased his mind knowing that someone would be prepared, even if _he_ wasn’t.)

Goro stared at him, and it took him longer than he would like to admit to realise that Goro was waiting for him to answer. 

“Y-Yeah… Not that I’m not glad to see you—” a snort came from Goro, and Ren peeked through his bangs only to see Goro looking at him fondly, a small crooked smile on his face that just seemed so unapologetically _him_. Feeling the heat blossom from his ears all the way down his neck, Ren cleared his throat, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart. It really wasn’t fair that Goro looked attractive doing and wearing anything. “I just thought that you would be questioned for a bit longer, at least.”

(Ren remembered the hours that he was in that room, the hours feeling like days as he faded in and out, trying his best to tell his story and prove his innocence. He remembered how he had remembered the plan at the very last moment, the drugs messing with his memory and making everything difficult in general. He could’ve died. But the thought of Goro being in his place made him want to scream, the thought of Goro being beaten and bruised and drugged out of his mind and scaredscaredscared—)

“Ren,” Goro said, his voice stronger than Ren had expected, “You need to pay attention. We both know that something is wrong here. I was naturally interrogated for my involvement in Shido’s case, but after questioning, I was released without any explanation whatsoever.” Goro eyed him, looking somewhat apologetic for even talking about interrogation. “You and I both know that that’s not how things work.”

Oh, Ren knows. He knows that all too well. For him, interrogation either ended up in bruises and a fractured wrist, leaving shaken and wary of raised voices and hands, or it ended up with him being nearly murdered. That in itself had a lot of baggage that he had yet to unpack, but he wasn’t wanting to do that anytime soon.

(It’s fine. Everything’s fine.)

Goro must have known what he was thinking, because he sighed, closing his eyes. He rubbed his temples, and Ren realised that Goro had bad memories of that room from that day. Ren slumped against the dryer. Goro had been much braver than he, willingly allowing himself to be arrested. (Ren couldn’t do that, he _knew_ he couldn’t do that. Hell, maybe even _Joker_ couldn’t have done that.)

“There’s no viable explanation for my release. They shouldn’t have released a confessing suspect after a brief interrogation, either. But there’s something else that bothers me— it shouldn’t even be remotely possible. You know what I mean, don’t you?” Ren bit his lip. Wakaba Isshiki should have never been in LeBlanc, staring at him as if he were familiar. She should have never spoken to him, and she certainly shouldn’t have been sitting beside Futaba and talking to Sojiro. 

After all, she had died nearly three years previous. 

Goro seemed perturbed, Ren struggling with the urge to step up and comfort the other teen; he figured that Goro wouldn’t appreciate it in his current mood and would leave. Ren eyed him for a moment, unsure of what to say. He worried at his lip for a few seconds in an attempt to buy himself time to compose his thoughts, Goro staying silent. Ren opened his mouth.

“Wakaba Isshiki shouldn’t be here. I haven’t found Mona yet, either, but I’m certain that last night he was in the attic asleep. Do you think that—”

“—Kunikazu Okumura is likely to be alive, yes.” Ren’s phone started to chime, the ringtone cutting Goro off. Frowning at the interruption, he slipped it out of his pocket, _Yoshizawa_ lighting up on the screen. Ren sighed, giving Goro an apologetic look. “I also have suspicions as to where your cat is, but that’ll have to wait. Go on, answer it.” Reluctantly, Ren answered, stiffening slightly as Goro stepped closer to him to eavesdrop. (He had a feeling that Goro knew about Yoshizawa manifesting a Persona back in October, because there would be no reason otherwise for the other to be so close to him.)

( _He could be as fond of you as you are him_ , the devil on his shoulder whispered in his ear. He tried his best to ignore it. There was no use hoping for something that was almost impossible. If Wakaba Isshiki and Kunikazu Okumura were alive after being pronounced dead, then… then…)

(He didn’t want to think about it. Goro was alive.)

Ren didn’t even have a moment to ask what was wrong before Yoshizawa began to speak, her voice crackling occasionally as she spoke. 

“Senpai, we have a situation! I-In Odaiba, near the— um, what did you and Morgana-senpai call it?— that Palace? I don’t really understand what’s going on right now, but Senpai, I can faintly see the Palace right now. I know this is sudden, but Senpai, can you come to Odaiba right away?” Goro gave him a firm nod, his eyes narrowed. He looked almost confused at the mention of a Palace, brows furrowed. Maybe he hadn’t known about Yoshizawa after all, other than the fact that she and Ren knew one another (remembering the time when Goro had seemed almost _jealous_ that he and Yoshizawa were talking to one another made him feel warm, but he had to remind himself that now wasn’t the time). 

“We’ll be there soon,” He said, not even bothering to elaborate before hanging up. Goro looked almost stunned at the abrupt end to the call, but recovered quickly, backing up from Ren slightly. He tried to not look too disappointed. “It’ll be easier if we leave now and talk on the train,” he explained, turning and walking out of the laundromat. He could hear the tapping of Goro’s shoes against the pavement as Goro followed after him, and for a moment, Ren was struck with the realisation that this could have been their lives if they were normal. They could have been doing anything and everything right now, and yet they were forced to figure out what was going on. Ren felt bitter about their situation— he had defeated Yaldabaoth, the being that had manipulated the two of them so thoroughly, and yet things were still _wrong_. Why were they the ones chosen for this game? Hadn’t they won already? Would they _ever_ win? 

(If he were Joker, he would take that anger and sharpen it into a blade that could pierce even the strongest of armour. If he were Joker, he could be beside Crow right now and stand with him as an equal.)

(But he wasn’t Joker, he was just _Ren._ Goro’s glove— the glove that he had thrown at Ren back on November 16th mere days before Ren had nearly died— felt heavy in his pocket.)

Wordlessly, the two of them made their way through the Yongen-Jaya station, swiping their transit cards at the terminal. Ren shuffled his feet, feeling restless at that moment. He felt useless. He had no clue what was going on and he didn’t understand why people who were dead were suddenly coming back to life. 

( _Goro was alive. He had been alive before. He was okayokayokayokay._ ) 

Goro stood beside him, looking as if he were absentmindedly scrolling through social media on his phone, but Ren knew better than to assume that. Everything that Goro Akechi does has a purpose, everything planned down to the tiniest detail. 

(A frown, narrowing red eyes. A look of bitter resignation as he realised that his plan had fallen through and wouldn’t come to completion in the way that he planned. The two of them never planned things to end this way.)

“You know, we should work together,” Goro said nonchalantly, as if it weren’t obvious that they were already partnering up, “We both want to figure out what’s wrong, and you’re the only person that I wouldn’t mind working with. I need you to clear things up for me though.” Goro looked away from his phone and into Ren’s eyes. He felt himself go still. He wouldn’t lie to Goro (especially since things seemed… _different_ between the two of them now), but the way Goro was looking at him made it seem as if he was _expecting_ Ren to lie. It hurt, but it was to be expected considering their relationship had been built on the foundation of lies with little truths given to one another as if they were precious treasures, meant solely for the other. “What had happened after we last had seen one another in Shido’s Palace?”

(No. No. Nononononono. He couldn’t remember that day again. Ren _refused_ to remember that day again. That day had to have topped the list of worst days of his life, the day that he learned that Goro was going to stage his suicide and November 20th a close followup.)

Ren shook his head, unable to look at Goro. “Don’t make me remember that day,” he begged weakly. “Please. I… I don’t like thinking about it. I don’t _want_ to think about it—”

“You have to!” Goro snapped, grabbing his arm, jerking him closer, his breath brushing against Ren’s cheek harshly. “From the 10th ‘til Christmas Eve, _I can’t remember a thing_. You _have_ to tell me what happened within that span of time, Ren.” Ren’s hand shook, and once he noticed it, Goro’s eyes softened, easing his tight grip on Ren’s forearm. “Please, Ren. This is important.” 

His voice was soft again.

(Ren wished that Goro knew just how he would do anything for him if it meant that Goro would speak like that to Ren whenever he needed it the most. Goro could ask him to do anything in that voice and Ren would do it without question.) 

“We did what I promised,” Ren began, voce sotto, “We stole his heart. Shido confessed his crimes, and then things didn’t change. Nobody cared about what Shido had done—” he broke off, tugging at his hair, feeling the irritation and anger and hatehatehate pooling in his gut. Ren never liked this feeling; Joker was more equipped to deal with it and would deal with it far more better than Ren ever could. “—nobody had cared that that bastard had fucked up so many people’s lives and had hurt you—”

He felt eyes on him. Many many eyes. (He couldn’t breathe.) He felt a hand on him. He tried to shake it off, but the hand stayed on him, eventually sliding down his arm to his hand. Fingers entwined with his own. (he couldn’t breathebreathebreathe.) An arm wrapped itself around his neck, the feeling of leather against his neck, holding him there. (he can’t breathe he couldn’t breathe gorogorogorogoro—)  
  
“—I’m here, Ren. Breathe. In, out. _Breathe, Ren_ .” Warmth. A voice speaking to him, calling his name, speaking to _him_ (him, the delinquent child who was tossed away like trash. Him, the teen who was just a lost little boy in this world full of fucked up adults and gods. Himhimhimhimhim.) in dulcet tones. “ _Breathe. In, out._ ” 

Ren breathed, though it came out more as a sob than anything. He breathed, sorrow spilling from his lungs as if they were a leaky faucet, one that he could try with all of his might to stop the leaking, but it would never cease. The hand that rested on the back of his neck squeezed gently, grounding him. He breathed, body trembling as he looked at the other teen (his other half), feeling awfully sorry for himself. He must look like a mess to Goro, who ordinarily was so calm and composed. He breathed and felt his tensed shoulders slacken, gingerly resting his forehead against Goro’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” With one last shuddering breath, Ren straightened up, wiping his eyes. “After that, we went to the depths of Mementos and fought a false god. This god _manipulated_ us and pitted us against one another. I… I was the one that was meant to prove that humanity could be rehabilitated, and you… you—”

“I was meant to prove that humanity was descending into ruin, I’d assume.” Goro finished, not bothering to remove his hands from Ren’s person, something that he secretly was grateful for. He didn’t think he’d be able to calm himself down without Goro’s presence. Ren didn’t say anything in response, drawing a sigh from Goro. “Come on, then. We have a train to catch.” 

They didn’t say anything to one another for the rest of the way to Odaiba, but that was okay. They didn’t need to say anything. 

Sometimes it was just better to sit in silence.

When they had arrived at the stadium, Yoshizawa ran up to the two of them, slight panic and agitation in her red eyes. Her sights centered on Ren, and he found himself the sole recipient of a surprisingly cold glare. 

“Senpai, you aren’t supposed to hang up on someone like that, it’s very rude!” Goro stood beside him patiently, as if he were waiting for her to acknowledge his presence. He let her talk for a few more moments before cutting her off, his voice much rougher than it had been when he spoke to Ren in the station. 

“Are you finished, Yoshizawa-san? We have better things to do instead of listening to you lecture Ren.” His comment brought Yoshizawa to a stuttering halt, looking at him with wide eyes. She blinked, once. Twice. Looked between the two of them.

Then smiled. 

(Why was she smiling? Did she think that Ren was an absolute mess as well? Did she notice his red rimmed eyes and nose and feel pity for him?) 

“Alright, Akechi-senpai. Can I call you Akechi-senpai? I’m calling you Akechi-senpai. You know about Palaces?” At her question, Goro hilariously deadpanned, looking slightly annoyed.

“Would you believe me if I said that I had the same power as Ren?” Caught off-guard, Yoshizawa gaped at Goro before her mouth clicked shut, still having the deer-caught-in-headlights look on her face. 

“Does that mean that you’re also—”

“—Let me stop you right there. I’m not a Phantom Thief by any means.” The statement hurt. Why did he say that he wasn’t one of them? 

( _Why did he say that he wasn’t with_ me?)

“Considering that you know about Palaces and understand the concept to some degree, it’s safe to assume that you’re also a Persona user, yes? I doubt that someone like you would have any interest in cognitive pscience otherwise.” Perhaps after realising how harsh he sounded (maybe that had been given away by the downtrodden look on Yoshizawa’s face), he sighed and shook his head, but didn’t apologise. 

“Um… You’re a bit mean, aren’t you, Akechi-senpai?” The underclassman tittered nervously, shuffling her feet, “But yes, I’m also a Persona user who isn’t a Phantom Thief. I just happened to slip into this Palace a few months ago with Amamiya-senpai and Morgana-senpai. I happened to walk by here on my way home and next thing I knew, I was in the Palace and Senpai had come after me. I awakened my Persona that day.” 

Goro nodded, putting his hand on his chin (a habit that Ren had quickly realised back when they had first started meeting up with one another to not belong to just the Ace Detective, but Goro Akechi himself). “Seeing that nobody else is reacting, either they don’t see the Palace, or they _do_ see it but it doesn’t evoke any real reaction from them.” 

“That’s exactly it!” Yoshizawa exclaimed, “I asked around and everyone that I asked seemed to not care about its appearance. Well, there was this one person, but after a moment, they just shook it off and seemed unbothered. It was really weird… This used to be a stadium, and for it to take on the appearance that it has, you would think that everyone would be worried about it…” Looking between the two, Ren worried at his bottom lip, struggling to discern what he was feeling at that very moment. 

He wasn’t jealous that the two seemed to be getting along, right? 

Right?

(Ren definitely wasn’t jealous, not at all.)

“How about we head inside the Palace?” He blurted, flushing when the two looked at him. “It could give us a clue as to who’s Palace it is, and it’s probably linked to all of the weird things that’s happened lately.” Yoshizawa looked between the two of them, looking confused as Goro gave a thoughtful hum.

“ _Weird_ is quite an understatement, but I agree. The Palace is our best option right now, but that’s if we have the means to access it.” Goro slipped his phone out of his pocket, promptly turning it on before shutting off the screen and looking up at Ren, confirming his suspicions. “The MetaNav is back, but it’s different. Have a look at your phone, Ren.” Ren quickly took out his own phone and turned it on, expecting to see the regular icon of the MetaNav despite Goro’s warning, but was surprised to see that it was in fact _very_ different. The fact that it was back despite Mementos and the MetaNav being destroyed on Christmas Eve itself surprised Ren; he _knew_ it had disappeared from his phone, he had checked sometime after seeing Goro on Christmas Eve. 

He _knew_ it was gone, it _had_ to be gone. Morgana was gone and had been gone for _days_ until he stumbled back to them. But then again, if Morgana had been born in the Velvet Room and was connected to the Metaverse, who’s to say that Mementos hadn’t already reformed when he had found his way back to them? 

(Who’s to say that Goro didn’t do the same? Who’s to say that Goro was saved from that room on December 10th and was laying low, hiding from Shido’s goons?)

Ren checked his phone, once, twice. Three times. Then, after confirming that the MetaNav was in fact still there and functional, he shoved his phone in his pocket feeling disquieted with the idea of going back to the Metaverse, especially after all that he had done. 

(It was hard trying to come to terms with the fact that he could never be Joker again. He would never be Joker, the leader and charismatic thief that everyone seemed to want and need. They never needed or wanted Ren. Nobody ever needed or wanted Ren Amamiya, nobody except—)

(—nobody except Goro Akechi. Goro had never asked anything of Ren like the others had. When the other thieves wanted to hang out with him, it was because they wanted him to be their personal therapist and wanted him to figure out how to solve all of their problems. Goro merely wanted his company, took him out to places that he hadn’t been, sharing things that he hadn’t shared with anyone other than Ren. When Ren was with Goro, he didn’t _need_ to be Joker—Goro liked him for who he was… or at least, that’s what he liked to think. He never claimed to be able to know what goes on inside Goro’s head.)

“I have it as well,” Yoshizawa confirmed, glancing at her own phone screen.

“Is there a search history on yours, Yoshizawa-san? If you’ve truly stumbled across this Palace, then there should be a log of keywords and a name.” Yoshizawa’s brow furrowed at Goro’s words and Ren realised that she had once told him that she wasn’t particularly good with technology.

“It should be by the input bar,” Ren supplied in an attempt to be helpful, feeling awkward just standing there. (If Mementos and the way to the Metaverse was back, where was Joker? Where was that suave confidence in everything that he did, in everything that he said?) Yoshizawa took another second to pull the search history up, giving a quiet but triumphant _aha!_ when she found the search history, before slumping over again. “What, is there nothing on the Nav?” 

“Well, here’s the thing: there’s something, but…” He and Goro looked at one another before making the unanimous agreement to peek over the underclassmen’s shoulder to see what she was talking about. Yoshizawa accommodated the two of them, raising her phone up so the two of them could see clearly. The Palace Ruler’s name was blacked out and the screen flickered occasionally. (Had Yoshizawa not gotten her phone fixed in the near year that he had known her, or was this a byproduct of the altered reality?)

“Is it possible that the Palace Ruler is responsible for this?” Goro murmured under his breath, loud enough for the two of them to hear. Yoshizawa’s shoulders drew further inwards.

“That means that we can’t get into the Palace, right…?” Ren shook his head in response. 

“No, we should be able to enter the Palace as long as it’s still in the MetaNav’s history. A Palace is only inaccessible if you don’t know the keywords or if it’s been destroyed.”

“You’ll take me with you, won’t you, Ren-senpai? Akechi-senpai?” Yoshizawa turned and looked at them with pleading eyes. Ren pursed his lips in response, not pleased with her question. He didn’t like the idea of taking someone into a Palace with only an hour’s worth of experience inside of the Metaverse; with this Palace in particular, they didn’t know _anything_ about it. “Something’s been bothering me ever since I first entered the Palace all those months ago... I won’t hold you back, I promise!” 

“It’s up to you, Ren,” Goro said, “I’d rather we not take her in, but we’re lacking the proper numbers at the moment for infiltration.” Ren took a moment to think about the point Goro had just made, and reluctantly gave in.

“I don’t like it, but we’re going to have to take her with us.” Ren turned away from Goro and looked at Yoshizawa sternly. “You have to do everything we tell you to do. Don’t be reckless, don’t try playing hero. As soon as you disobey, you’re out. Got it?” Yoshizawa stared back at him with wide eyes, staying silent for a few moments before nodding quickly.

“G-Got it!” Ren didn’t exactly feel reassured by her words, but he allowed her to be the one that sent them into the Metaverse, hoping that if he allowed her to do so she would be more enthusiastic to listen to Joker’s orders. The switch into the Metaverse was new to Yoshizawa, but she took it rather well, only stumbling slightly. 

Joker watched as Faith looked around in wonder before looking at them, then herself. After a moment of testing her mobility in her outfit, her eyes went back to Crow.

“U-Um, Senpai… that outfit—” Faith cut herself off, looking as if she had said too much and had just realised that she was about to put her foot in her mouth. Crow stared at her with narrowed eyes, crossing his arms. 

“Yes? What about it?”

Joker sighed. Ren might have thought that the two of them were getting along rather well, but he knew that it was more of a forced formality that one typically gave an acquaintance that they couldn’t make heads or tails of. (How had he reached the conclusion that they were getting along well, anyways?) The two of them were awkwardly toeing around one another, Crow trying to avoid conversation with their new teammate as the other tried to ask as many questions as she possibly could. 

“—let’s just head inside.” Crow’s curt voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and Joker tilted his head slightly, noticing the strained air between the two of them. Had he missed something? Crow looked back at him, tilting his head towards the elevator. A chuckle passed through his lips before he could stop it, earning him a rather nasty glare. He couldn’t help it though; did Crow really think that they could distract Faith with shiny new things so that she’d stop asking questions? Coughing into his elbow to smother another laugh, he walked past Crow and opened up the elevator, stepping inside before gesturing to the others to do the same. Crow slipped inside and practically jammed himself between Joker and the wall, not looking at Faith as she walked inside and stood by Joker. 

“Do we need to talk about this?”

“No.”  
  
“No, Senpai!” 

Well aware that he was beside Crow and his sharp gauntlets, he bit down the grin that threatened to appear on his face, knowing that he’d get retaliation from an embarrassed Crow in some shape or form. 

Joker took the minute in the elevator to calm himself, taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly. He could joke later, but right now they had a Palace to infiltrate. Once the doors opened, he went up the way that he vaguely remembered going through in October, noting how it seemed much more lively now than it did before. It made sense, but it felt strange noting the progress of a Palace. He was used to robbing them of their Treasure and tearing them down instead of seeing them being built up. 

“It feels different,” Faith noted, looking at the posters that were on the partition walls. Crow looked rather uncomfortable once he spotted a particular poster and instead elected to look away, examining the room around them. From what Joker could remember, the posters held information about cognitive pscience. Could Crow recognise the research from what he knew about Wakaba Isshiki? He didn’t press Crow on it despite his curiosity, squeezing his forearm gently out of Faith’s view. Some ghosts were better left untouched. 

“How different is the Palace compared to now?” Crow asked Faith, receiving a small shrug in return. 

“We didn’t go far… the furthest I went before Senpai had come to get me was through those doors. We left after that.” 

Crow frowned, looking extremely displeased by Faith’s statement. “So you’re only familiar with the area near the entrance, but your information could be inaccurate at this point…” As he passed by Crow to take point, he could hear Crow sigh. “It isn’t ideal, but we’ll have to deal with it.” Joker took one last look at the two of them before opening up the door carefully, slinking into the room without another thought. It didn’t seem like he would need any further caution however, the speakers coming on with a crisp crackling noise. 

“ _Welcome, and thank you for coming, patients. You will be guided to one of our specialty care facilities according to your desires. We will assist each and every one of you. Rest assured. Everyone can become happy. Should you have any questions about the facility or need assistance, please direct your queries to our staff members nearby._ ”

The speakers shut off with an audible click, and Joker could feel the chills running down his spine, goosebumps forming on the back of his neck and arms. _Everyone can become happy_ ? Nothing about that statement felt right, and Joker suddenly felt _very_ threatened. 

“‘Become happy’?” Faith echoed, her brows furrowing, “What sort of place is this?” 

“One that’s full of lies,” Crow hissed, quickly making his way past them. His hand was near his sabre, his body taut as a bowstring. Joker was inclined to agree with Crow’s statement.

The cognitions that surrounded them paid no mind, mindlessly tittering about this and that, how they were much happier having accepted _treatment_ , how they were much happier after being brainwashed. 

Crow and Joker walked alongside each other as they headed past the gates, Faith trailing behind them as she continued to look around. Joker would let her have her moment, knowing just how strange the Metaverse was to newcomers. He had been like that once, but there was nobody there when he had first awakened Arsène to snap him out of his wonder and warn him of danger before Mona had come along. 

This time, Faith would have him and Crow. 

He felt the Shadow before he saw it. Grabbing Faith and pulling her closer to him, Joker watched the Shadow form, its eyeless gaze digging into him, into all of them, searching for something. 

“You aren’t among those who desire and seek salvation,” it hissed, clutching to its board tightly, “Leave. You are unwanted intruders. You mustn't disturb our lord’s research for this world’s salvation.” Faith tensed behind him, Crow looking as if he were preparing to throw himself into a fight. Joker himself felt tightly wound up, reminded of Yaldabaoth by the Shadow’s words. The Sentinels that guarded Yaldabaoth spoke the same way.

He could feel his heart sinking into his gut already.

“The ideologies of a Palace Ruler can be seen through the way the Shadows talk,” Crow mentioned idly, swinging his sabre in a silent threat, staring down the Shadow. Joker held back the fond sigh that wanted to pass through his lips at the sight of Crow. He should know how nice he looks like that— Joker almost wants to believe that Crow does it on purpose to tease him. “For example, this Shadow’s speech reveals that the Palace Ruler has a potential god complex and cult-like ideologies. Does that ring a bell for either of you?”

Oh, right. 

That.

They all were silent for a moment before Crow took lead in the conversation again, giving the Shadow a nasty smile that made Joker’s heart race. “Sorry, but we’re going to pass through you now. We don’t have time to waste on lowly peons such as yourself. I'm sure you understand, right? After all, your lord treats you the same way, yeah?” 

“I don’t understand… why do you willingly strive for self-suffering? Why do you deny our lord’s salvation? Do you like being unhappy? Do you like being in pain?” Joker could hear Faith’s breathing quicken as the Shadow exploded and reformed into a scythe-wielding beast.

“Are you ready, Yoshizawa-san?”

“I-I’m ready whenever, Senpai!”

“Joker, I’ll provide support for this one,” Crow said, no hesitation in his voice whatsoever. It seemed that nothing within the Palace could shake his resolve, and Joker took a moment to admire him. Both Goro and Crow had always been strong, resilient to carry through with their plans even if it caused them pain.

(Joker would like to think that he and Ren were the same way, but he would be lying to himself if he did. Ren showed too much hesitation, too much fear. Before December 10th, Ren would’ve never acted upon his feelings.)

(Ren was a coward, and both of them knew that. He was a coward that had his moments of bravery, a mere shadow of what he was and what he used to be. Their parents made sure of that.)

Another Shadow appeared and transformed, joining its brethren. It seemed as if they weren’t going to be able to pass through quietly. Good. He has some pent-up energy that he needed to burn off anyways. Crow tsked, drawing Joker’s attention. He tilted his head slightly to look at the other, watching in awe as his typically composed thief turned into something more feral, more _him_ , more _alive_ , his maroon eyes darkening as a sly smile appeared on his face.

(Crow was breathtaking. Why Ren was afraid to let Goro know this, he was uncertain. People like Crow—like _Goro_ —deserved to be told this daily, with truth in every word. For what wasn’t the first time, Joker cursed Ren’s cowardice. What sense was there in living if you never took risks?)

“Shall we kill them all, Joker? I’m ready for the bloodbath if you are.” Faith backed up, the clicking of her heels against the marble floors covered by Crow’s gleeful laughter. Was she really scared of him, or did she just not know how to act around Crow? “It’s been far too long… nothing gets me excited like this does. Don’t you agree, Joker?”

“Well,” he began, taking a few steps towards Crow whilst twirling his dagger between his fingers, Crow’s eyes narrowing in on the movement, “There is one thing that makes me more _excited_ than fighting Shadows, _trésor_ , if you catch my drift.” He laughed as both Faith and Crow sputtered, feeling satisfied with the red that he could see growing on his thief’s face.

“I— Why would you— _fucking moron, get that goddamn smug look off of your face!_ ” Crow launched himself at Joker instead of the Shadows, Faith yelping in alarm as she stumbled away from the two of them, Joker laughing all the while. He missed _this,_ he missed the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins as he weaved and danced to avoid Crow’s attacks. Ducking slightly to avoid a swing that was meant to go through his head, Joker twisted into a back handspring, his back arching as he rounded off, landing in a crouch. “Let’s obliterate them,” Crow cooed, his mask disappearing as he drew his sword back, Loki flickering into existence behind him, all traces of embarrassment gone from his face in a complete 180 from how he was merely seconds earlier. It was a shame really, Joker missed seeing that side of Crow, but they had other things to do before they could have their fun again. His own mask disappeared as he summoned Metatron, the bond between himself and Crow thrumming with more power than he had ever felt from it before. 

(If only Ren could feel their bond now. It would put to rest all of his fears and apprehension towards this false reality…)

Metatron made him feel powerful. _Crow_ made him feel powerful. He felt as if he could take on anything as long as Crow was by his side. Joker and Crow shared a look, silently agreeing to take care of the Shadows as quickly as possible. There wasn’t any need to drag things out and they needed to find answers.

“Loki, Megidolaon!” The almighty attack nearly decimated the two shadows, one going down whilst the other barely hung on. Joker looked at Faith and saw her determined look, stepping back and motioning for her to summon her persona. It was about time that she learned the flow of battle, he decided, Metatron fading back into his mask.

“C-Cendrillon, Makougaon!” The crystalline persona answered its mistress’ call, and suddenly Joker felt glad that he was serving as the buffer between Faith and Crow. The Bless attack was a rather strong one, and if Crow would’ve gotten caught in the crossfire—

(He felt his blood run cold. He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to think about that day and that _puppet_ and Crow and the two gunshots and how he was deaddeaddead or could’ve dieddieddieddied— _stop thinking about it stopstopstopstopstopstopstop—_ )

—Ren stared as the Shadows dissolved into nothing from the force of the Bless attack, swallowing quietly. “G-Good work,” he murmured, not even daring to glance at Crow. The other would be able to pick up on the change immediately if he hadn’t already. 

“We had handled that rather well, hadn’t we _Joker_?” Ren flinched slightly at the subtle jab, knowing that Crow wasn’t pleased with what Joker had done. He could feel Yoshizawa’s inquiring gaze on his back, but he said nothing, looking down. “I think we did well considering the last-minute team arrangement.” 

“Senpai, that Shadow mentioned something about research, right…? And something about pain… do you think that this Palace Ruler might have good intentions?” Crow barked out a harsh laugh. Yoshizawa flinched at the loud noise, looking at Ren with uncertainty. Ren couldn’t do anything but stare helplessly at her in return. He really didn’t know what to tell her; he knew that Crow was acting differently from the Goro that Yoshizawa knew, but to Ren, Goro was _this._ Goro was just so unapologetically himself and Ren was glad that he got the chance to see those glimpses of the real Goro Akechi that nobody else ever saw.

(It made him feel special, in a way.)

“You heard how it spoke, Yoshizawa-san. Don’t forget how it mentioned salvation too— we’re dealing with someone who has a god-complex, don’t think that they have good intentions because you hear sweetened lies. People like that are good at manipulation, and you’re falling for it.” Crow’s words sounded mean, but Ren knew that he meant well. Yoshizawa seemed to know so as well, giving him a firm nod in response, but she continued to look pensive.

Something on the floor glinted, catching Ren’s eye. Was that—?

“The Palace Ruler is making it easy for us,” Crow mumbled, bumping shoulders with Ren as he passed by him to pick up the map off of the floor. Ren grimaced, not sure how to feel about Crow being upset with Joker. They didn’t mean to freeze up and switch places, but… Ren was here now instead of Joker and to be quite frank, he was terrified. “One of the Shadows had to have been carrying this when it decided to fight us. How fortuitous for us.” Ren watched him bend over to pick up the map, his face reddening as his eyes strayed to Crow’s shapely—

—Joker blinked.

Oh.

Crow’s outfit now was significantly better than his Prince outfit, he decided. He couldn’t blame Ren for staring, Crow _did_ have a nice ass. He flexed his hands before pulling on his gloves, looking away just in time for Crow to turn around, flashing the map at him. Crow gave him a side-glance—as if he knew that both Ren and Joker had been staring at his ass, the tease _had_ to know what he was doing when he bent over like that—before examining the map. He looked over it for a few moments before trying the door in front of them (which unfortunately was locked) before walking up the stairs near the doorway, not bothering to say anything to Joker and Faith. Their newest member looked between the two of them as she and Joker followed Crow, looking as if she wanted to say something. Jokers stopped at the foot of the stairs and gestured for her to spit it out, rolling his wrist slightly as he waited. They couldn’t take long, lest Crow get too far ahead and lose them in the Palace. He was the one with the map, after all— Joker thought that he was supposed to be the leader, but admittedly it was rather attractive of Crow to take the lead. It suited him. How would he act in the bedroom—

“Is Akechi-senpai always like this in the Metaverse? He seems… um… a bit more relaxed outside of the Metaverse.” Right, Faith was talking to him still. Joker coughed into his sleeve in an attempt to clear his head.

“You know that I can hear you, right?” Crow sounded strangely bothered by Faith’s question, glancing at Joker briefly as he looked back at them from one of the platforms on the stairs. Was he afraid of Joker’s answer? (There wasn’t anything wrong with being on edge in a place like this, you had to be a fool to _not_ be on edge. Joker might have his fun in the Metaverse and prefer it over the real world, but he knew when he had to be cautious.) “Save the idle chatter for later, we have to figure out who this Palace belongs to. That is, if you can handle teaming up with someone like me.” 

Faith eyed Crow guiltily before murmuring a soft apology, one that Crow didn’t bother responding to. Joker frowned, but said nothing in favour of continuing his trek up the stairs. Whatever issues the team had with one another would have to be sorted out later, preferably outside of the Palace. 

Joker led them into a safe room that was near the entrance of the entrance to the auditorium, taking a moment to fully examine the map and give Faith to rest. The new persona user sat down gratefully and watched as he traced a finger of the maps, taking note of how close they were to the entrance. This Palace was about the same size of some of the others, Joker noted, which meant that he could pace things about the same; he’d prefer to get through with the Palace as soon as possible, but with their current numbers, that wouldn’t be possible. 

Ren would have to succeed in waking his friends up in order for them to be able to clear the Palace in record time. Joker didn’t want to be in this reality for longer than he had to be, even if it meant that he wouldn’t be able to be Joker anymore. 

(A part of him feared his “death” as Joker, but he knew that it would simply just be another trial to see if he could survive in a world that had turned against him. He would be fine, he was confident in that fact.)

(He would be fine as long as he had Crow by his side. Joker just hoped that Crow would stick around for that long.)

“We’re heading to the auditorium and then we can work from there,” Joker said, locking eyes with Crow, who gave him an affirming nod. Seems that they were thinking the same, then: explore nearly every nook and cranny as efficiently as possible the first time around and decrease the time spent in the Palace. Faith gave a short _“yes, Senpai!”_ in response, standing up and stretching. He gave her a moment to stretch before promptly turning around and leaving the safe room, pressing his hand against the auditorium door. It opened with little resistance, Crow shooting him a look as he passed by Joker, Joker’s eyes strayed from Crow’s back to his ass. 

Maybe it was beneficial for everyone if he let Crow walk in front of him—

“—Hey, look! That’s… Dad?” Faith knocked him out of his _very_ important train of thought, and Joker looked up at the screen and saw a man who looked vaguely familiar. Joker knew that this was the man that Ren had met on New Years day. From the looks of it though, the man was unhappy, and Joker could tell right away that this couldn’t have been anything recent. The man looked happy, even _protective_ over Faith when he had met Ren; there hadn’t been any trace of discontent in his eyes that day. 

“Everyone will be here soon, Sumi-chan. Mom, grandma… even your sister. I-I’m sure she’ll be here too, once she’s able to calm down. I just… my little girl, oh, my sweet little girl… I’m so sorry…” Faith’s father cried over the covered body, and Joker noticed out of the corner of his eye that Faith looked uncomfortable. She couldn’t look at the screen, fiddling with the ruffles of her outfit in an attempt to distract herself. On his other side, Crow stared at the screen, eyes narrowed and lips set in a thin line. 

“...Dad?” Faith’s voice came from the speakers, and the screen cut off almost immediately afterwards. Both he and Crow turned to look at Faith, who stared back at them in shock. 

“...Why? How?” 

“The person he was speaking to… that was your deceased sister, wasn’t it?” Crow turned his attention back to the now black screen, cocking his hip and doing the cute little thing that he did both inside and outside of the Metaverse when he was thinking. Joker kept his attention divided between the two of them, wondering if Faith was going to say anything in response to Crow’s question. She stayed silent for a few more moments before she opened her mouth, still looking rather shocked.

“... Sumire. Her name was Sumire. She was my little sister.” Neither he nor Crow dared to speak, giving Faith a moment to breathe and put words to her thoughts. “I told you a while ago that I lost someone in my family, right Senpai…? It was Sumire. B-But nobody was there with us, how did—?!” Faith stumbled and gasped, clutching her head and grunting in pain. Crow started and reached out to steady her before retracting his hand, watching her cautiously. “Ngh— I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s been wrong with me lately. I’ll be fine, please don’t worry about me.”

“You don’t seem fine,” Joker rebutted, looking at her with warning. He was tempted to send her out of the Palace then and there. If she wasn’t feeling up to it, then he and Crow would investigate alone. Faith shuffled her feet for a moment before giving a resigned sigh, looking away.

“ I just… I’ve been having this feeling that I should remember something, but part of me is saying that I shouldn’t remember… that something bad will happen if I do. Do you know what I mean, Senpai? Is that… normal?” 

Faith turned her head back in his direction, tilted as if she was giving him all of her attention. But there wasn’t just one gaze on Joker: Crow was listening, too. 

( _Nothing about us is normal,_ he wanted to say. _Normal people don’t have demons tied to their soul that can perform magic and can go another world built from the collective human consciousness. Normal people don’t find themselves as a pawn to a false god and end up shooting the demiurge in the head. Normal people don’t watch their other half get attacked by a cognitive version of themself and find themselves thinking that they’re dead._ )

“Sometimes you just… shut things out if you don’t want to remember. Sometimes it’s easier to _not_ remember, and act like what happened didn’t,” Joker decided to say instead. Faith looked up at him with a pained look, rubbing her temple. 

“...Can you still walk, Yoshizawa-san? We have to keep going if we want to figure out what’s going on here.” The way that Crow had asked Faith the question was gentle in a way that almost reminded Joker of Ren.

It was an endearing image, but it wasn’t the Crow that he knew. The Crow that he knew was abrasive, cunning, sarcastic… but he didn’t exactly mind seeing this side of Crow, either. (Ren always liked it when Goro was gentle with him, and he knew that _that_ side of Goro Akechi was reserved for Ren Amamiya alone.)

“I… I’m okay. I’m sorry for the hold-up. Please, let’s continue.” Faith stood up straight and gave them a small nod, still looking as if she were in pain, but walked ahead into the hallway. Crow turned and looked at him, maroon eyes watching him closely. 

“...hey, Joker. When did you become acquainted with Yoshizawa-san?” The question was almost tentative, as if Crow expected Joker to say something that would shock him. 

( _When had_ Ren _met Faith_ , Joker inwardly corrected. This was the second time that he had met Faith, her interactions mainly being with Ren.)

Unfortunately for Crow, there was nothing special to Joker’s answer.

“Shortly after I was transferred here, back in the spring.” Joker’s words were curt, and he didn’t want to elaborate. Crow would understand what he meant without it, anyways. 

(Crow almost always understood, and that was better than what anyone else could say.)

“...” Crow’s brows furrowed, but he never elaborated on what he was thinking. “...Let’s go, Joker. It wouldn’t be smart to let her get too far ahead.”

The two teens trailed after their wayward teammate, their pace brisk. If Faith was lost in the Palace—especially as a new persona user, it wouldn’t bode well for her. She didn’t know the Metaverse like he and Crow did. 

As they walked down the hallway, Joker noticed the mass amount of posters plastered all over the walls, _HAPPINESS HEALTH_ written across them. The Palace Ruler likely worked in the mental health field, considering the appearance of the Palace and what they had heard the Shadows spew. 

(His chest felt heavy, but he couldn’t discern why. Why was he feeling trace amounts of dread?)

Crow was the one to open the door to the auditorium, holding it open long enough for Joker to slip through and rendezvous with their teammate. They settled beside Faith, looking down into the auditorium. Faith exhaled slowly, taking in the layout. 

“This room… is it the auditorium?” At that moment, Joker realised that Faith had never looked at the map and had gone in completely blind. They’d have to talk about that later. He couldn’t have people running around the Palace, their lives were in _his_ hands. ~~He’s already failed once, he can’t have it happen again.~~ “It’s enormous, I can’t imagine what else it could be.” Faith let out a pained cry after her statement and nearly collapsed, leaning on Joker in the last moment. “...!” Joker stumbled at the unexpected weight, nearly falling over himself, but Crow steadied him, his hands on Joker’s shoulder and waist. Crow’s hands felt as if they were burning holes through his clothes, and suddenly his thief was much too close to him for comfort.

“Are you alright?” Crow asked, seemingly unbothered by how close he was to Joker, looking at Faith with narrowed eyes. He was likely thinking about how Faith was currently a liability in her current condition. “You’re in pain again.” Faith hissed and shot Crow a dirty look, surprising both of them.

“ _I’m fine, quit asking!_ ” It was silent for a moment before Faith gasped, her cheeks heating up as she realised what she had done. “...! I’m sorry, Akechi-senpai. I-I’m fine. I just can’t stop thinking about that video from earlier… Please don’t worry about me.”

Joker didn’t believe her, and he could tell that Crow didn’t either, seeing the dubious expression on his face. 

“The video with your sister?” Faith gave an affirming nod.

“Yes… regardless, let’s keep going. I’ll be alright, Senpai.” Before she could walk past them, she took a deep breath and gave Joker a determined look. It was something that he preferred to see on her face instead of fear and confusion, that’s for sure. “I need to know why that video was shown to me!”

Joker gestured for his teammates to follow him, leading them out and into another hallway when a Shadow formed in front of them, holding a clipboard close to its chest.

“You are misguided,” it told them gently, as if they were children. Joker hated it, recognising it as the condescending tone that adults often took with Ren when they believed that they were in the right and hadn’t lost their patience with him yet, trying to ease him into believing their sweetened lies with honeyed words. “Do not search for pain. Tragedy is the only thing that awaits you should you continue on the path that you are taking.”

Joker heard Crow scoff behind him.

“This shit again? Really? I’m getting tired of having to tell these Shadows that I frankly don’t give a damn about suffering.” If Ren had been the one to 

The Shadow stared at them, its head tilted, and Joker could feel his hackles raise. It stared at them as if they were test subjects, as if they were anomalies that had to be picked apart for every discrepancy and then put back together to be lifeless husks. He could hear Faith walk up to his side with the clicking of her heels, not yet used to walking quietly in them. Crow slipped up to Joker’s side silently.

“I-I’m tired of hearing it, too! All of these warnings about pain and tragedy… nothing can be worse than how I felt when my sister died!” Faith, now fired up, stepped in front of him and Crow, her hand on her mask. _Don’t tell me…_ “Who’s your Ruler? Why do they know so much about me?!” The Shadow reformed into a winged demon, and Joker cursed under his breath. She really was going to rush into this, wasn’t she? “If you aren’t going to give me an answer, then I’m going to force one out of you! Cendrillon!” 

Crow joined him in muttering curses, shooting a nasty look at Faith’s back. 

“Cendrillon, Makouga!” The attack missed, the Shadows giving a jeer that served to only rile Faith up further. “V-Vorpal Blade!” Joker and Crow shared a look as the attack served to be useless, the Shadows being impervious to such. He grimaced.

“It’s no use, calm down!” Joker commanded, feeling his ire begin to rear its ugly head as Faith ignored him, holding her sword tightly as she stared the Shadows down. What was the point of having a teammate who couldn’t keep a cool head under pressure?

( _She’s just agitated. Give her a chance to calm down._ )

(But they _didn’t have that time_. Who knows how much time they had left before the Palace Ruler was aware of their presence if they weren’t already? Who knows how much time before something else happens that isn't supposed to be possible?)

“Stop rushing into things! You’re becoming a hindrance, Yoshizawa-san!” Crow snapped, his voice rough and full of irritation. That seemed to snap Faith out of it, and her shoulders slumped slightly as she finally realised the danger that she had put them into and how irritated the two of them were at that moment.

“I-I’m sorry…” Her voice was demure as she took a few steps back, placing distance between herself and the Shadows. 

“Follow our lead!” Crow told her, and Joker couldn't help but think about how Crow would have flourished as a leader. Crow was strong and firm, gentle when needed but also ready to deal scathing words if need be. 

He wouldn’t mind having Crow by his side, leading the others with him. 

(It was nice to think about. How would that transfer to other things? How would he deal in more domestic settings? How would he react if Joker was downed? He wanted to find out. ~~...Though perhaps maybe not that last bit, he’s been kicked down a few times to many to want to willingly put himself in harm’s way without reason.~~ )

The three of them worked quickly to take down the Shadows, Crow calling upon Loki to assist as Joker did the same, calling upon Metatron. The Shadows were taken care of within a few minutes, the combination of Bless attacks and a gun attack courtesy of Loki proving to be too much for the Shadows to handle. The Shadows dispersed, leaving one behind. Was this one planning on warning them, too?

Joker eyed the Shadow wearily. He wasn’t too keen on hearing the same thing over and over again, but if this was the only way that they could proceed...

“To think that all of you would be fools… denying salvation… For those who deny our lord’s mercy, witness it yourself!” Joker tensed as the Shadow disappeared, looking at where it stood uneasily. He wasn’t a fan of the religious bullshit happening and he certainly wasn’t for the cult mentality. If this was what the other Thieves were under, then he wasn’t entirely sure that Ren could pull them out of it. 

Joker’s head snapped to the side, the sudden sound of a crowd roaring putting him on edge. Perhaps not all of the Thieves were quiet while they were infiltrating Palaces, but Joker had always been cautious when it came to noise. The fact that they could hear a crowd meant nothing good—the sound could draw Shadows to their position, and Faith was already exhausted from her reckless actions from earlier.

“Wow, the crowd’s going wild! What a lovely welcome for the young woman who’s made such a splash in the world of competitive gymnastics!” Faith’s head snapped towards the auditorium.

“Gym...nastics…?” Faith slowly stepped towards the railing that overlooked the auditorium, looking down with wide eyes. Joker and Crow hesitantly followed, a pit forming in Joker’s gut. 

When they looked down into the auditorium, the pit turned into an abyss and threatened to suck him in. 

Wakaba Isshiki was not the only ghost that had been brought back, it seemed.

A young girl nearly identical to Faith stood on a decorated stage, her face bright and exuberant as she waved to the crowd that had appeared, an interviewer holding a mic out to her.

(Who was this Palace Ruler, and how did they know Faith and her sister? Were they closely connected to the family? Were they part of the family?)

“Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m pleased with how I performed today and I’m glad that everyone else thought so too!” The girl chirped, giving the interviewer a sweet smile. The sequins on her leotard glinted in the spotlights, temporarily blinding him for a moment. Faith stayed eerily quiet as she continued to stare down the other girl.

“You’ve beaten a record for the junior competition with an absolutely stunning performance. But do you think you’ll be able to keep up your gymnastics career once you start high school?” The girl didn’t seem to think about the question, responding almost immediately.

“Absolutely! I don’t have any intention of stopping now—it’s my dream to qualify and compete at the international level and win!” Her voice was strong, full of determination. 

Faith’s grip on the railing tightened, drawing Crow’s attention, but he said nothing. Faith’s outburst from before seemed to deter him from expressing his concern again. (It was a shame, really… Crow never had someone to express concerns with, from what Joker knew, until Ren came around. The Phantom Thieves didn’t give Crow the nicest reception either, keeping him at an arm’s distance and rarely speaking to him outside of what was necessary.)

“How inspiring! To think that someone as young as you has a goal that you’re set on… is there someone that cheers you on?”

Faith’s sister fiddled with her hair after the interviewer asked the question, brushing her bangs to the side. She looked as though she was thinking about her response very carefully. The faceless interviewer waited patiently for her response. After a pregnant pause, she gave the crowd another smile (one that was fake and wrong just like all of the other ghosts that existed in this reality), though it seemed to be a bit weaker and less bright.

“That’s an easy one: my younger sister! She should be here in the stadium…” Joker watched as the girl looked around, her eyes sweeping the auditorium floor before she looked up, locking eyes with Faith. Faith stiffened. “Oh! There you are! Sumire!”

_Sumire?_

(Something wasn’t right.)

“W-What…? I’m… I’m not…” Faith murmured, her voice weak. She was trembling and pale, looking as if she was a deer caught in the headlights. Crow shot him a look, as if he wanted Joker to say something, but what could he do? What could he say? 

It was entirely possible that Sumire Yoshizawa was Faith. This reality had proven to him that nearly anything was possible; the dead have come back to life, people’s lives were supposedly better than they had ever been… Someone assuming the identity of someone that they were not wouldn’t have been the strangest thing that they had seen today. The only thing that didn’t fit was that Ren had known Faith as _Kasumi_ since spring of the last year.

If the Palace Ruler truly had the power to alter reality, how had they gained this power? How long have they had this power? 

(Why change reality? What was the point in doing so? What was the catalyst that set this in motion?)

Sumire—Kasumi?— gave Faith a sunny smile, waving at her sister. 

“Sumire, I did it!” Kasumi(?) cheered, perking up as she turned her attention back to the interviewer. “Both of us have the same dream— we want to compete at the international levels and become champions.”

The longer that the girl spoke, the more agitated Faith looked. She was holding her head again, gritting her teeth as she pressed down on her temples in a futile attempt to ease the pain. 

“N-No, stop…! _Stop!_ ” Faith's shouts and pleas were ignored by the other twin. 

Joker felt helpless.

(Ren felt helpless.)

Joker might be different from Ren Amamiya, but there were parts of them that overlapped. One part in particular was that they didn’t like seeing people in pain. 

(They didn’t like seeing Crow in pain, they had nightmares of that day in December, snapshots of times where Goro spoke to Ren with pain in his eyes and they were helpless to do anything about it, all leaving an ache in their chest.)

(And even if they didn’t care about Ren now, Ren and Joker cared for the Phantom Thieves. To Ren, they were a family that he didn’t have before coming to Tokyo, even if they had their moments. To Joker, they were his team, he was supposed to trust them to have his back like he had theirs. Faith was part of that team now, albeit temporarily.)

Joker took a step forward, gently resting his hand on Faith’s shoulder. She didn’t protest and instead sniffled quietly. Regardless of who exactly she was, Faith was a part of the Phantom Thieves and the circle of the people that he was responsible for.

“Let’s make our dream come true, Sumire! Together! Let’s come out on top!” Her shoulder shook underneath Joker’s hand, and he felt pity for the young girl in front of him. Whoever the Palace Ruler was, they knew Faith and her sister, and they knew them just enough to know what would hurt Faith. 

“ _Stop it! Shut up shut up shut up!_ ” Frustrated, Faith shouted and slapped away Joker’s hand before letting out a soft sob. “I…” Crow grabbed his arm and pulled him back slightly, stepping in front of Joker. Joker pursed his lips at Crow’s back. He wasn’t a child, he didn’t need protecting from Faith. Crow turned his head slightly, shooting Joker a stern look that killed any protests that were about to spill from his lips.

(Who was the leader here, again?)

Crow made an aborted move to placate Faith, reaching out to touch her shoulder just as Joker did, but stopped just before he could, his arm dropping. 

“You’re—” A voice cut off Crow, and both Joker and Faith stiffened. 

“—I hope that this helps you understand. I know you’re smart enough to figure it out, Ren-kun.” Joker stared at the wall, mind racing as he scowled at the name. That wasn’t _his_ name, but he didn’t expect the Councillor to know that. Crow touched Joker’s wrist with clawed fingers, the gentle touch sending shockwaves to his system. Joker gave him a questioning look.

“How does that man know you?” 

( _How does that man know you,_ Ren? _Why didn’t you tell me,_ Ren? But he wasn’t _Ren_ , and he couldn’t answer for him.) 

Joker went silent for a few seconds before responding.

“...Takuto Maruki, counselor for Shujin Academy.” Crow looked at him dubiously, but said nothing. What was he thinking? Could it be that he was thinking about how Ren had somehow wormed his way into Metaverse matters that he had no business being in, associating with an extraordinary amount of Persona users and sniffing out Palace Rulers as if he were a bloodhound? 

Joker couldn’t give him an answer for that question either. He figured that Yaldabaoth had a hand in everything from the very moment that the MetaNav was put on Ren's phone. 

(What else had Yaldabaoth done to the two of them? What had the demiurge had a play in?)

(And if Ren truly had been chosen to be a Trickster beforehand as Strength—The Warden— _Lavenza_ had said, then what had been their fate before the demiurge had usurped it? Was Crow ever a part of it before he was deemed to be the one to cause humanity’s ruin?)

The intercom crackled, reminding him of where they were. Right. Palace in a false reality.

( _Pay attention._ )

“If you keep pushing on, you’re only going to experience pain and heartbreak,” The Councillor said, his voice clear over the intercom. Joker bit down on his tongue. This was laughable; did he really think that they’d be dissuaded through cheap threats? There wasn’t anything that the Councillor had threatened that he hadn’t been through already. “Is that what you really want? Please, consider what I’m saying. It would be kinder to yourself and your friends if you stopped fighting the current reality.”

How had Ren allowed himself to be manipulated like this? How had Ren allowed a person who was so manipulative to be around him? 

(But Joker knew, he knew that Ren _wanted_ to trust someone, he wanted to trust an adult for once in his life. He was naïve, a fool. But he didn’t blame Ren for what he wanted to believe.)

(After all, they loved someone like Crow, like Goro Akechi, someone who had hurt others in order to get closer to his goal—a goal that in the end, lead to his—)

It seemed that the others disagreed with the Councillor as well, Faith letting out a quiet shout as she stomped her foot, the noise echoing in the chamber around them. She looked upset, understandably so, staring up at the intercom with narrowed eyes. 

“Don’t try to scare me away with stupid threats! I have no intention of stopping now!”

Crow let out a hum of agreement, crossing his arms. He seemed pleased with the fact that Faith had denounced the Palace Ruler, and Joker absently wondered if he should do the same in hopes of making Faith more cooperative and obedient. Crow cleared his throat and turned his back to the intercom, glancing back and locking eyes with Joker as he spoke.

“We are in agreement, then. We refuse to do what you say. Why don’t you go ahead and drop the cloak and dagger act you have going on and face us directly?”

There was a long sigh from the intercom, and Joker raised a brow. Did the Councillor really expect them to take a knee to him?

(He’d rather die.)

“...As you wish. Please head down to the center of the auditorium. I’ll meet you there.” The intercom shut off with an audible click, and the room was silent for a mere second before Crow spoke again, drawing Joker and Faith’s attention to him.

“Something tells me that that was too easy,” Crow mumbled, looking slightly surprised at how easily the Councillor had acquiesced to his demands. “Perhaps it’s just two years’ experience talking, but I think he’s going to put up a fight if we corner him despite how agreeable he is at the current moment.” 

Joker furrowed his brow, feeling Ren’s insistence and urgency to check on Faith. Ren meant well, but the truth of the matter was that they didn’t have time to check up on Faith to the degree that Ren wanted him to. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, attempting to take on a softer tone of voice as Crow had done earlier. Joker didn’t have Ren’s gentle, pleasant nature, and by the look on Faith’s face, she had noticed as well.

“I’m fine, but thank you for your concern. We have to meet Maruki-sensei— I-I mean, the Palace Ruler.”

“...” Crow let out a thoughtful hum, turning slightly to watch Faith walk past him and out of the auditorium. He kept his eyes on her as he spoke. “ _Kasumi_ Yoshizawa… hm.”

Crow gave him one last look before slipping out of the auditorium after Faith. Joker looked over the room once more and gave the intercom a final glance before following the others, falling in step with Crow within moments. The two were silent as they slipped past Shadows with relative ease, quickly catching up to Faith. He’d give her some credit for avoiding the Shadows, but he hoped that this wouldn’t become a habit. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” he whispered to her firmly, watching as she stiffened slightly at the sound of his voice.

“I… yes, Senpai.”

He slipped past her and took lead, heading them down the hallway and into the auditorium. As Joker made his way down the stairs, he could see the Councillor standing with his back to them. Did he not have the courage to turn around to face them head on? 

Faith looked at Joker, her eyes clouded with doubt. 

“Is he really this Palace’s…?” She asked him, trailing off. The doubt in Faith was growing stronger by the second, and Joker wondered if Faith had incorrectly come to the conclusion that Palace Rulers were ‘evil’. At one point the other Phantom Thieves were under the same assumption until the Hermit requested a change of heart. 

(And admittedly, he too was under that naïve assumption until the Hermit—Oracle—had proved him wrong. It wasn’t that he believed that Palace Rulers were _evil,_ per se—both he and Ren didn’t believe in things being simply black and white, everything was in shades of grey.)

It wouldn’t do Faith any good to try to place a label on the Councillor. He added it to the list of many things that he would need to discuss with her later. 

“It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?” Joker watched as the Councillor turned to face them, his fists clenching as the man centred his attention onto Faith immediately. He took a protective step in front of her, effectively shielding her from the Councillor’s view.

He knew that bringing her in was a bad idea, she would be the weak link and would be targeted first, they have to get her out of here—

“So it’s true… you really are...”

—but Faith wasn’t going to make it easy for him, now was she?

The Councillor looked confused at her comment, but couldn’t make eye contact due to Joker’s body still blocking her from him. Faith took a step forward but stopped when Joker threw out his arm, turning and shooting her a look.

“I’m so glad to see that you’re all doing well,” the Councillor said amicably in an obvious attempt to clear the tension in the air. He failed rather miserably and seeing this turned his attention onto Crow and Joker. “Especially the two of you… Ren-kun, Akechi-kun. You both have gone through a lot recently, correct?”

The two of them stayed quiet, not willing to speak to the man.

The Councillor sighed and gave the group a small smile, seemingly giving up on the pretense of delivering pleasantries. “I figured that you would come here. You _are_ the Phantom Thieves after all. But… to be honest, I hoped that we wouldn’t meet again in this way. We departed on such good terms before, and I wanted to meet again on good terms. Unfortunately we can’t have all that we want, especially when it seems to concern someone like you, Ren-kun. There’s just… something about you that is different from most other people. I wonder what it is?”

Joker scowled and ground his teeth, tensing slightly. _That wasn’t his name_. It was bad enough that the man knew Ren personally, but for him to know that he’s a Phantom Thief was more than enough to put Joker on edge. Something about the clean white suit and slicked back hair screamed _self-righteous douchebag_ to him. Not to mention calling Ren _special_ … What was there to Ren that made him seem special? What about Joker?

(If anything, they were cursed.There was nothing special about being falsely accused and tossed away like trash, left to your own devices until you forcefully carve a place out for yourself in a world that wouldn’t accept you as you were. There was nothing special about being manipulated by a false god and falling in love with the man the very same god had pitted against you. There’s nothing special about fucking watching the person you love di—)

Joker took a deep breath and unclenched his fists, eyeing his trembling digits with detached interest. 

Breathe.

 _In, out_.

(—… there was nothing special about living a life where you had been controlled by a false god that you would eventually shoot in the end. Nothing at all.) 

Little time had passed, but when he had come back to, Faith was standing in front of him, Crow by his side and touching his shoulder. Joker looked at Crow, who raised an eyebrow in question. _Are you okay?_

Wordlessly, he nodded. Crow’s hand left his shoulder, but the warmth from his hand lingered.

“I still can’t believe that you’re the Ruler of this Palace, Maruki-sensei…” Faith murmured, fiddling with the ends of her jacket sleeves. At the mention of ‘Palace’, the Councillor’s eyes took on a gleam that Ren remembered seeing whenever the man was interested in something that he said, particularly anything relating to cognition or his own personal feelings. Takuto Maruki looked at Ren Amamiya like he was something to be examined under a microscope, and Joker _hated_ it. 

As much as he hated it, the look in the Councillor’s eyes told him something much more important: he didn’t know of the existence of Palaces, or he hadn’t heard of the terminology. A vindictive part of him felt gleeful at that fact.

“...Palace?” The Councillor questioned. His eagerness to learn more about the place that he had a near-absolute control in and had been exerting that control made Joker’s stomach clench. What had this man done without knowing the full extent of his actions? Crow let out an irritated sigh, cutting off the conversation between Faith and the Councillor that Joker was almost sure was going to happen before it could even begin.

“A place where distorted desires manifest in mass amounts, higher than what is considered normal. We know you’re the owner of the distortion, the Shadows would’ve attempted to tear you apart otherwise.” Crow cut in, bluntly. 

_Oh, if only_ , Joker allowed himself to lament for a moment, knowing that Ren would never approve nor allow himself to think such things, _it would have saved us a whole lot of trouble_.

Taken aback by the sudden input from Crow, the Councillor stuttered and stumbled to recover for a few moments. Joker felt fondness well up for the other as Crow's lips twitched up almost imperceptibly at the uncomfortable look on the Councillor's face. “I-I see… very well, then. Yes, you are correct in assuming that I am this Palace’s Ruler. But my case is different from the others that you have seen before, am I correct?” 

(He hated this bastard. He really did.)

Crow didn’t miss a beat in shooting back a response, cocking his hip slightly as he stared the man down. “Are we also correct to assume that you are the one responsible for the strange occurrences outside of the Palace?”

“You would be, yes.” The confirmation stung. Ren had trusted this man, along with countless others, and this was how he repaid them? By pulling them into a reality that was filled with false happiness, a reality that essentially overwrote everything that they had worked towards? “Do you like the reality that I created for you?”

Voices began to overlap with one another, both incredulous and confused, with the revelation. Joker’s head spun. He had done _what_?

“—You… made it?—” (Crow.)

“—I don’t understand—” (Faith.)

How does one suddenly gain the power to overwrite reality? From what Ren could remember, the man had actually known little to nothing about the more physical aspect of the Metaverse, only knowing the theoreticals. 

(That is until Ren had unknowingly hinted about the collective cognition…)

(The implication made Joker feel sick to his stomach. He couldn’t have...)

“—I tried to make it fit everyone’s needs, but I know that there are some… _flaws_ and imperfections, but that is only temporary. I just need more time, and then everyone can be happy…” He continued, as if none of them had said anything in the first place, “—don’t you see? I’ve gained the power to make everyone happy, to alter reality so nobody has to suffer.”

( _“Now this is my question to you, Ren-kun… when do you truly feel pain in your heart?”_ A question that had been asked months ago, a question that Ren had thought to be innocent, was coming back to haunt them. Had he really never saw this coming?)

This man… did he truly believe that what he was doing was _saving_ people? That he was actually doing them a favour by brainwashing them and convincing them that everything was happy in their lives and that they didn’t need to worry about anything anymore? 

If so, then the Councillor was worse than he had initially thought.

They couldn’t let him get away with this, he was delusional and an unknown variable. They didn’t know anything about him or his powers, and Joker felt a small tinge of fear begin to leak through. Fear gave way to agitation. 

“Do you really think that this is a perfect reality? Or are you trying to make it perfect by _your_ standards, Councillor? Where do you draw the line?” Joker hissed, feeling upset and wary of what the man was going to do next. It clawed at him relentlessly, making him want to scratch at his skin. It didn’t feel right here.

(He didn’t feel right. _Ren_ didn’t feel right.)

“None of us wished for this!” Picking up on his agitation, Faith followed, the doubt from earlier either hidden or gone. The Councillor let out a _tsk_ in disappointment and shook his head.

_What the fuck was that supposed to mean?_

“On the contrary, believe it or not, you _did_. I listened to every desire, whether it was spoken or of the subconscious. I listened, and I gave. Naturally, I didn’t hurt anybody, but I took the small things and made them real: a wound healed, a friend moving back home… Are you really trying to deny yourself and others that happiness that I gave so freely?”

Joker’s eyes narrowed and he gave the man a nasty look, feeling revulsion curl in his gut and settle beside the anger that had been steadily building up. The Councillor was _wrong_. He had hurt people, taking their memories and changing them into something that they were not; he had taken hardships and the struggle to get back on stable ground, along with the pride and satisfaction that followed, and spat on it. For all of those who suffered and clawed their way back up from hell—for people like _him_ , like Crow, like Goro, like _Ren_ —he had invalidated their suffering and robbed them of those experiences.

(One could argue that Joker was a hypocrite for being angry over this, but he knew that he was right— he never claimed to be morally white. Stealing was seen as bad. Manipulating people into confessing their crimes was arguably bad as well. Maybe he is a hypocrite, but at least he was one who could admit that he knows that he isn’t always in the right.)

Crow barked out a harsh laugh, sounding more like a slurred snarl than anything. He wasn’t amused at all, his mouth turned down into an angry frown.

“You’re brainwashing people! I might be one to talk given my own history, but that certainly counts as harm in my book.” Crow shot back dryly, looking just as fed up with the man as Joker was.

The Councillor stared at them all with a dejected frown on his face. It seemed as if they had disappointed him by not buying into his spiel about accepting happiness.

_Good._

“I can see how you could struggle to grasp the concept, it would be hard for anyone to grasp it.” Joker knew that the only reason as to why he wasn’t speaking in _that_ tone of voice— the one that someone would take when they think somebody is a moron— was because the Councillor supposedly _respected_ Ren, but it was heavily implied that the man did see them as lesser because they rejected his proposal. It made Joker want to scream; how was any of this meant to show respect towards Ren? Towards Faith, towards Crow? Towards everyone that was affected by this false reality? Why did he think that his pathetic sales pitch would do anything in convincing him, in convincing _them_?

The Councillor continued, the disappointment in his eyes from earlier slowly being overtaken by traces of something else—hope. “But just think: we can change a cruel and unjust reality to one where people are happy and don’t have to suffer like how all of you have… Nobody would face the injustice of being arrested for a crime that they didn’t commit, Ren-kun. Wouldn’t you like that? Isn’t that part of the reason as to why you fight?”

( _Disgusting_. Takuto Maruki was one of the most manipulative, self-serving bastards that he’s ever had the displeasure of meeting—)

Crow stepped in front of him protectively, bristling at the Councillor’s words. Joker could hear Arsène coo in the back of his mind, and he felt warmth rise to his chest. (He missed feeling this way—missed feeling that exhilarating rush that he got when Crow was by his side— and he certainly missed Arsène. The persona had been strangely silent up until now, and Joker felt his absence strongly. Things began to feel _right_ again. Well, as right as things could be for the moment.)

Crow knew just as well as Joker did that the man was attempting to appeal to Ren. And perhaps it would’ve worked had he been Ren, but he wasn’t _Ren_.

“Are you really trying to manipulate him?! You’re a piece of shit and _insane_ if you think that that’s going to work.” Crow looked at Joker incredulously, taking his silence as concession to the man’s words. “Aren’t you going to say anything?!” 

Joker said nothing in response, only holding his hand out to stop Crow from lashing out at the Councillor. He was waiting for the older man to slip up, to say something, anything that would convince Faith to fight with them against the man… anything to renew that spark of doubt and turn the kindling into a bright flame. Joker would be the predator, laying in wait until the Councillor showed weakness, and the moment the man let his guard down he would go for the throat.

The Councillor continued, watching the group carefully, though his eyes stayed on Joker. It seems that _Ren_ was his target, the man using his empathy and kindness against him; Joker knew that if it was truly Ren the Councillor was talking to, he would have sown doubt with just the mention of making others happy and not having to suffer like he did.

He hated it. Ren was too soft for this world, and both he and Crow knew it; why else would Crow step in for him?

Joker knew that Faith looked up to Ren, saw him as someone that he wasn’t, placing him on a pedestal above the rest. If _‘Ren’_ gave in, then she would follow. It was abhorrent, but if it was the thing that pushed Faith back onto their side, he would take what he could get. 

“I can even get rid of a past as awful as Kasumi-chan’s or Akechi-kun’s—” Joker’s eyes narrowed. How had he learned about Goro’s—?

_Just how much power does this man have?_

Faith let out a small gasp, Joker’s eyes darting to her position beside Crow. She leaned slightly forward in interest, fiddling with the ends of her jacket again, her body language screaming pure agitation. Joker couldn’t blame her though, with everything that she’s seen today, she deserved to be agitated. He knew that being forced to remember things that he’d rather forget was hard to deal with. 

“What do you mean _‘a past as awful as Kasumi-chan’s’_ ?! Maruki-sensei, what happened to me?” Faith’s question drew out a near-silent sigh from the man in front of them, and he stared at the youngest member of their group with pity. Faith would have none of that, however, stomping her foot assertively and angrily as she continued with her demands. “Tell me! You can’t hide something like this from me!” The quiet and meek Faith that Joker had seen earlier that day was gone, replaced with a girl searching for answers and filled with fire. He felt… _pride_ , watching Faith stand up to the Councillor. It was hard saying no to someone who you knew for a while, and it was even harder to say no to an authority figure that you respected as she did with the Councillor. 

(Ren was never able to say no to the man, and that was the reason as to why they were in this mess in the first place. He never should have trusted anyone hired by the school to ‘help’ those affected by Asmodeus—Suguru Kamoshida.)

(So why did he? Why did he decide to take that leap of faith and put trust in an adult when he had been mistreated by so many? Was Joker too embittered by their experiences to even begin to understand?)

“I really hoped that my warnings would dissuade you, but if that’s really what you want… then I want you to remember who you really are. The two of you should know this as well.” The Councillor shifted his weight to the other side of his body as he spoke, tucking his hands into his pockets. (He sounded disappointed, even more so than he was before. How long would it be until the man gave up in trying to convince them?) The lights in the room dimmed and Faith’s attention turned to the screen in front of them, curiosity winning over caution. Joker and Crow reluctantly did the same. “Once you know the truth, surely you’ll see why this reality is a necessary one. You’ll have to choose between the two realities: the one where people suffer, or the one that I have created.”

As the screen showed a countdown, Joker and Crow quickly moved to Faith’s side, flanking her; if the Councillor wanted to attack them now, the easiest person to target would be her. Them being there was merely precaution, and they watched the screen with divided attention.

“T-That’s—” In front of them played a video from one of the sister’s point of view—Sumire’s, it was later revealed—each of them watching in silent horror as the scene escalated. It had started with Sumire looking down on herself for her shortcomings and ended with the death of Kasumi, the other twin staring at her sister’s prone body in the middle of the street in horror.

The video ended there.

(Joker wished that it had ended earlier. That scene—memory?—should have been for Faith’s eyes only.)

Distressed, Faith’s (regardless of who she was, she would always be Faith to Joker) outfit disappeared along with her mask as she fell to her knees, clutching her head in pain. The Councillor stared at them, pity in his eyes. Joker was getting sick of seeing it. 

(Why was he looking at them? At him? Why not at Faith, who was in obvious pain?)

“You remember everything now, don’t you?” The older man was still looking at Joker, but his words were directed towards Faith. A quiet hiss came from the girl and Joker watched almost helplessly as she curled in on herself. The thought of him feeling fear and helplessness like this again was near impossible, yet here he was, feeling these feelings _again_. Dealing with these sort of things wasn’t his forte—Ren was better with those, Joker practically was fueled by anger and the want of freedom. 

He hated it. 

“Don’t call me that name! P-Please… I’m not—I’m not Kasumi— But I—! Not that name, please not that name,” Faith cried, her shoulders shaking as she covered her face. “I don’t… I robbed Kasumi of everything that day: her dream and her life! She saved me, a-and that’s how I repaid her…” 

“I’ll take over from here,” the Councillor said, never breaking eye-contact with him. Joker felt uneasy and he knew that the man was doing it on purpose. He bristled, shooting the older man a nasty look as he stepped in front of the girl protectively. From behind him, he could hear Crow put his hand on his sword’s hilt. “For months now, Sumire Yoshizawa has seen herself as Kasumi Yoshizawa—her deceased elder sister. Of course, it was only _her_ cognition that changed—everyone around her still believed that she was Sumire.” The Councillor paused, and gave Joker a small smile. “That is, until _you_ came around. You became one of the few exceptions, knowing her only to be Kasumi-chan. Perhaps there was something to lead you to believe that she was Kasumi Yoshizawa?”

Joker tensed, his hand moving to his dagger. Was the Councillor really trying to suggest that he—that Ren held partial responsibility for Faith believing that she was Kasumi?

( _It’s nice to meet you, Kasumi-chan,” Ren told the underclassman after handing back her student ID. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything, he simply wanted to be amiable._ )

“You didn’t know any better, but the girl you had been speaking to was in fact dead all along,” Crow murmured, but he sounded almost confused. “However, I’ve never heard you call Yoshizawa-san by a given name.”

“Read it off of her ID and called her Kasumi once,” he said simply in return. The thought of Ren being one of the reasons as to why the girl behind him had been so immersed in her own delusions made him feel ill. The Councillor knew this and was playing to his advantage.

“Before I went to Shujin, I started seeing Doctor Maruki… and I told him that if Kasumi couldn’t achieve her dreams, I wanted to achieve them for her… live the life that she wanted, all for her, because she was gone,” Faith told them weakly. Crow let out a low, agitated hiss, and Joker put out his hand in hopes of deterring him from attacking the man before they had the answers they needed. 

(After that, though? He’d be happy to let Crow go wild.)

“So you let a grieving girl become your guinea pig and changed her cognition? For a wish made while she was in mass amounts of duress?” Crow’s voice was sharp as his chest pushed against Joker’s hand, Joker actually having to apply force to push him away. There was no doubt his trésor was agitated, the older man having hit a sore spot for him. 

“I did,” the Councillor confirmed, seemingly unaware of the threat to his life that Joker was tempted to release onto him, “Though weak at the time, I did have the power to alter her cognition and make her wish a reality. Sumire-chan’s wish was one that was felt deeply, and I wanted to help grant her wish. There’s nothing wrong with that.” The Councillor was unrepentant with his words, unshakeable in his belief that what he was doing was _right_. 

Crow bristled at the blasé admission.

“Are you actually serious?” 

“Let’s put it this way: put yourselves in her shoes for a moment… her older sister died protecting her, and as the sole survivor of such a tragedy, she was left bearing a weight that is too much for anyone to hold. It is only natural to want to let go of such pains and burdens… and as someone who could help her, I did what I could. I gave her a reality that made her happy, a reality that could help her heal and move past the loss of her sister.” The Councillor stated calmly, as if Crow didn't look as if he were seconds away from skewering the man with his sword. (Was he insane, or just stupid? Could it be a mix of both?)

He didn’t really care, did he?

“Do you really believe this high-and-mighty bullshit that you’re spewing right now, or are you trying to convince yourself that you didn’t use Yoshizawa? Are you really trying to convince both us and yourself that you didn’t use her in an attempt to get people to acknowledge your research?”

( _“I’m actually doing certain research alongside my duties as a counselor,” the man had told Ren during their first session together, “It’s not technically counseling, it’s more of a type of psychological treatment. It's essentially a project to learn more about the metaphorical ‘heart’—how one thinks and feels. Your responses would be extremely helpful for myself and could help a lot of other people, Ren-kun.”_ )

(Sumire Yoshizawa was not the only person that Takuto Maruki had used in the name of his research.)

“Of course I wanted the public to acknowledge cognitive psience through my research,” the older man said simply, “it’s only natural to want your efforts to bear fruit and gain acknowledgement. However, that’s not why I helped Sumire-chan. I helped her because she was suffering!” The Councillor seemed to grow more fervent as he continued to speak, looking at them with a fire in his eyes. “Don’t you see? My research, my goal—everything that I’ve done was to help people like Sumire-chan, to end all suffering!”

“...!” Crow seemed to be taken aback by the declaration, quickly looking off to the side. He wouldn’t meet Joker’s eyes. “What’s the point of living if you don’t have suffering?”

“Suffering leaves emotional scars and can bring back pain in the long run. Why would you want to continue to suffer?” 

(Pain meant that the body was responding to stimuli, both internal and external. Pain meant that what you were seeing in front of you was realrealreal and it meant that you were _alive_.)

Crow didn’t answer him.

“With this power, I can turn dreams to reality. Nobody will have to suffer again… All of my research will be worth it in the end. Even now, it is coming to fruition— you've seen the results of it yourselves.” The Councillor broke eye contact and looked away for a moment, turning his attention back to them, his gaze piercing. “My wish for my research to save others from pain— that would be my ‘desire’ that I hold closest to my heart. The manifestation of my desire taking physical form would be what you call a _Palace_ , correct?”

Faith had remained eerily quiet the entire time, and Joker could feel dread begin to settle deep inside his being. 

“Enough of this nonsense,” Crow hissed, shooting a glare at the older man, “You’re speaking of the impossible! Even if this reality would become the _utopia_ you wish for it to be, I can assure you that there will be unhappy people. You cannot solve the world’s problems with just a snap of the fingers!”

“I could be speaking nonsense,” the Councillor acquiesced, “But even still, I _will_ succeed in making a world where people suffer no longer. You could say that it’s my responsibility, the duty that has been bestowed upon me by the world.”

Joker and Crow shared a sharp look between one another, Joker feeling more perturbed than anything. 

They weren’t going to be able to reason with Takuto Maruki. The man was too far gone in his own delusions, believing himself to be some sort of messiah for humanity.

(Where did he get all of this power from though? The man had just enough power to convince Faith that she was her dead sister back in April… had he been a pawn in the false god’s game as well, or was he an unseen force that had made his way onto the board?)

“Is that truly salvation, though? Or is it turning the masses into blind sheep?” The words had slipped past his lips before the older man could continue his spiel about salvation. Joker could feel the irritation and rage that curled in his gut boil over, pushing the dread and traces of fear that he felt deep into the recesses of his mind. “You don’t really care about that though, do you? All you care about is forcing this bullshit _salvation_ upon the world because you want to be able to say that you were right.”

The Councillor stared at him in silence, looking like a disappointed parent. 

(It wasn’t the first time that they had seen that look before—)

“I’m sorry to hear that you think that way,” the man began, but Joker cut him off again, not wanting to hear any of it. 

“What about the reality that we came from? What happens to it if you get what you want?”

_What about the consequences of what you are doing now?_

“That reality will likely cease to exist and this reality will treat it as if it never existed, though I’m not entirely certain.” The Councillor let out a short laugh, one that Joker wasn’t keen on hearing again. Something about it wasn’t right. “That cruel reality will cease to exist, and the reality that I have painstakingly created will be the one regocnised by the world.”

Crow scoffed, placing a hand on his hip as he did so.

“You’re assuming that we’ll just lie down and let you do whatever with this reality. I for one refuse to let you do as you please— you’re no better than _him_ , you expect us to eat out of the palm of your hand and stay complacent! This reality is an abomination that must not be allowed to continue.” 

The man gave Crow an acknowledging nod.

“I’ve heard your answer, Akechi-kun.” The Councillor replied before turning his attention to Joker, his gaze feeling as if he could see past Joker’s flesh and into his very thoughts. “But I have yet to hear yours, Ren-kun, Sumire-chan.” At the mention of her name, Faith stirred, looking up at the man from her position on the floor. “Sumire-chan… If you desire, you can return to your life with that name. You can also continue living your life as Kasumi-chan, if that is what you desire. Whichever choice you choose, I can grant that wish for you.”

“W-What…? I can...still be Kasumi…?” The hope in her voice made the dread return full force, and Joker cursed lightly under his breath.

_No._

If they lost Faith, they would be one more person down. They couldn’t afford to lose her, but what could he say to her to change her mind? 

( _But if you try to change her mind, would you be any better than Dr. Maruki?_ Ren whispered to him.)

( _Would it be manipulation if I was only opening her eyes to the truth, to the reality where we rightfully belong?_ he shot back.)

(Ren was silent. Joker _had_ to try to talk her out of accepting his offer. They couldn’t stay in this reality, they didn’t belong there.)

“Don’t let him manipulate you,” he told her sharply, but as soon as he said it, he knew that she wouldn’t listen. Faith had lived a lie for nearly a year, and she clearly wasn’t about to stop now.

(He could understand why, but it didn’t mean that he had to like it.)

“I—I’m sorry, Senpai… but I can’t— I can’t be Sumire.” Faith slowly rose as she spoke, her legs shaking slightly as she did so. “I can’t be the one who led her sister to her death! I can’t be a murderer!”

_He had failed._

As if he could hear Joker’s thoughts, the Councillor gave him a slight pained smile.

“I know you have rather strong opinions about this new reality, but please don’t judge her for her choice. This is evidence of just how painful life is for her. The two of you—Ren-kun, Akechi-kun— had doubts about this reality, and that’s what had led you here. Even still, please know this: neither of you are excluded from the people that I wish to save.”

( _He didn’t need saving. Ren didn't need saving. They were finefinefinefine_ —)

“Won’t you accept this reality? For your own happiness? For the happiness of Akechi-kun and the others?”

Joker could feel Crow’s gaze burning into the side of his face. _Don’t you fucking_ dare _think about it,_ it seemed to say.

It wasn’t as if he was going to take the deal, anyways.

“I’m sure all of us can find happiness on our own, thanks,” he said coolly. The intensity of Crow’s gaze lessened at his answer, but he found himself on the receiving end of a frustrated glare from the Councillor. 

“So it’s a no deal so far, huh? That’s unfortunate.” 

Without any warning, spotlights shone in their eyes, blinding the group. Joker held a hand out in front of his face in hopes of blocking the light, the action proving futile for the most part. The only thing that he could see between the gaps of his fingers were the figures of the Councillor and the Shadow that stood silent beside him. The Shadow whipped its arm out, and the next thing Joker knew, Faith was wrapped up in a tentacle and suspended in the air. She let out a short scream before going limp.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Crow growled from beside him, cursing under his breath as the lights seemed to intensify before dimming. When they could see again, Faith was in the Councillor’s arms.

She wasn’t moving.

“ _I_ won’t harm her, but it’s in everyone’s best interests if you turn back now. You’ve made it clear that you won’t accept the reality that she desires.”

“ _This_ isn’t reality!” Joker replied, voice raised. He was so fucking _tired_ of hearing this _reality_ bullshit—

“It’s a bit disappointing to think that you of all people think that way, Ren-kun. Don’t you understand that you’re denying her of her wishes? I thought you and I were of similar thought— I thought we both wanted people to be happy.”

Bile rose to his throat, and he thought he was going to be sick—

“Don’t you dare compare him to someone like you,” Crow said lowly, his voice whispering promises of bodily harm, and Joker was tempted to let him do it. “He will always be a better person than you.”

Joker’s face warmed at the unexpected compliment from Crow, but shook it off. It wasn’t as if it was too much of a compliment.

“And please— ‘ _her wishes_ ’? Don’t make me laugh.” Crow spat as the Councillor turned away from them. The Councillor didn’t seem to be as interested in talking anymore, the Shadow from before stepping in front of its master protectively. 

“That’s enough, please. I’m not just doing this for her. I’m doing this for the both of you, for everyone in this world that has needlessly suffered. I don’t want to fight you.” the Councillor turned slightly to look at them, looking Joker in the eye as he spoke. “You both have dreams, don’t you? I have the power to make those dreams come true. Or, if you’d prefer, I’d be able to give you the opportunity to make your dreams come true. This reality can be the place where you’re finally happy and living life the way you want to.”

Joker and Crow scoffed nearly at the same time. Joker gave Crow a look out of the corner of his eye, watching the other move around restlessly in agitation.

“This is a total waste of my time. There’s no getting through to you with words,” Crow grumbled, placing his hand on the hilt of his sword as he took a threatening step forward. “Shall we try a different method, Joker?”

“Like I said before, I don’t like fighting.” With a nod towards the Shadow, the Shadow slinked forward before falling to the floor and dissolving into its true form, tentacles waving around in the air. The Councillor continued, his voice sounding defeated and worn. “I don’t like fighting, but we’re out of options here.”

The Shadow let out a piercing shriek, a shockwave of power causing both Crow and Joker to be thrown back a few feet. Landing on his feet in a crouch, Joker tilted his head slightly to look at Crow, the other thankfully doing the same. 

“We need to take care of this quickly,” Joker told Crow, twisting his dagger between his fingers skillfully as he attempted to find any signs of weakness in the Shadow. Finding none, he let out a low growl, summoning Metatron and promptly casting Megidolaon.

The Shadow seemed to be slightly agitated by the attack but other than that, it seemed rather unaffected. 

Crow’s attacks had the same result. 

Between the two of them, both were growing exhausted rather quickly. It was frustrating to see just how little their attacks affected the Shadow even after unleashing their most powerful moves in their arsenal. 

“ _Give into our lord’s will… accept his mercy, and you will find salvation—_ ”

“Enough with your bullshit! Joker, give me a hand!” At Crow’s command, the two of them moved like a well-oiled machine, not even having to communicate with one another to figure out what to do next. He felt _alive_ , pulse thrumming in a steady beat as the two of them twisted and moved with the other, Joker firing the last shot, taking the Shadow down. The other Thieves had all come up with similar attacks to do with one another, but Joker had never actually come up with one, feeling as if the Wishing Star that Jose gave to him wouldn’t act upon his desire to work with someone else. For the most part, he was the lone wolf of the group, only leading the others in strategy and ordering them. The only person that he tended to work well with was Crow.

(Funny how that works, huh? Was this how the others felt when the Wishing Star brought their ideas together? _Had_ the Wishing Star been involved with this, or was it because they were already so used to one another that they didn’t need it?)

The thought of it brought a sense of thrill running down Joker’s spine, and he couldn’t help but look at Crow in exhilaration, only for the other to already be staring at him.

“I don’t think we need to attempt any further ‘negotiation’,” Crow said smoothly as he gestured to the Councillor, twirling his sabre slowly. The residue left from the Shadow that they slaughtered just mere seconds earlier glinted in the spotlight. 

“I agree,” the Councillor said carefully, seeming to finally register that there were two threats standing in front of him, eyeing Crow wearily. “However, I would like for you to at least see this reality and experience it yourselves. I know that your friends are all enjoying how things are right now, Ren-kun. Won’t you at least try the world that I’ve manifested?”

_That’s not my name._

“And what about Yoshizawa?” He asked, ignoring the blatant attempts of manipulation. Joker ground his teeth together as he watched the Councillor sigh and shake his head.

“You know I can’t do that. I’m not going to let you disregard her wishes. As long as you continue to deny her of her happiness, I cannot allow her to go with you.” The Councillor that Ren knew was soft-spoken and calm, excitable at times—but that was not the same man that stood in front of Joker now. His voice was firm, resolute as he held Faith in his arms, as if he were shielding her from _them_. As if he and Crow were a threat to her, as if they wished to cause her harm. 

It was sickening. _They_ were not the ones that Faith had to be weary of, but the wolf that wore the sheep’s clothing already had her in his grasp. 

All they could do was hope that he would keep his word. They couldn’t face him now, not as they were.

“I already told you that I wouldn’t harm her and I intend to keep my word on it. Don’t worry about Kasumi-chan, Ren-kun. Go on, see the reality that I’ve created for you all. Once you’ve lived a few days in this new reality, I know that you’ll be able to make the right decision about which one’s the better choice.” The Councillor seemed confident in his words, as if he really believed that they would find this reality to be superior, as if the two of them would just allow him to force this perverted reality onto them…

Takuto Maruki, for all that he was worth, as a fool. He also wasn’t qualified for his job, but there weren't many people at the moment who could think of it, seeing that he has them all brainwashed using the confidential information that they gave him. 

(But he wasn’t bitter. Not at all. It wasn’t as if the man had used the information that Ren and his friends—Joker’s _team_ —and trapped most of them in this false reality, _right_? It wasn’t as if the man had brought ghosts back to life and was forcing them to live in a world that was unnatural, wrong. It wasn’t like that at all.)

(Joker never said that he wasn’t a liar.)

“And again, you’re making the foolish assumption that we’re going to just let you do whatever,” Crow told the Councillor, irritation and hostility clear in the way that he spoke and gripped his sabre, stepping forward as he did so. 

“I meant it when I said that you are going to leave _now_. Whether or not it is through force is up to you.” 

He disappeared without another word, not even giving them the chance to respond, taking Faith with him. 

As the world around him began to warp, Joker could hear the Councillor’s voice through the speakers, telling the two of them that they had until January 9th to come to a decision and that he hoped that they changed their minds by them.

 _Fat chance_ , was the last thing that Joker thought before his mask disappeared, the defiant thought echoing in Ren’s head as he blinked away the unusual dizziness that had accompanied their forced departure from the Metaverse. 

“Fucking _coward_ ,” Goro spat, the amount of aggression in his voice startling Ren. What had happened in the Palace had left him reeling, unsure of everything. To think that Kasumi was really Sumire, the sister that was supposedly dead… it didn’t feel _real_. 

But he knew that it was.

“We’re going to have to fight him, are we?” He asked Goro, sounding more tired than he would prefer to have let on. Goro gave him an incredulous look—one that made it seem that Goro was wondering if Ren had gone insane within the past few hours— and he flinched, realising that he shouldn’t have even asked. Of course they were going to fight his counselor, why _wouldn’t_ they fight him? “R-Right, that was obvious. Sorry.”

Goro sighed, his gaze softening into something indiscernible. 

“I would have never imagined that your counselor would be the one behind this mess,” he admitted, “But what he said in there, how he wanted to save people from their suffering and making their dreams come true—I don’t understand it. Not to mention how he got his hands on a power like this, to be able to bend reality to his will…”

“It’s dangerous,” Ren murmured, feeling uneasy and wary of what was ahead of them. How were they supposed to explain Yoshizawa’s disappearance to her parents when they inevitably came around asking where their daughter was? “Nobody should ever have a power like that.”

Goro let out a thoughtful hum as he crossed his arms, shifting his weight onto his other leg. 

“And that's exactly why we need to figure out what we’re going to do next,” he told Ren simply, as if he were talking about what he was going to eat later that night. The fact that Goro could talk about taking down a man with the power of a god so easily as if it were nothing was simply mind boggling to him, and _he_ was the one who had shot a powerful false god in the head.

(Had that only been less than a week ago? It felt like Christmas Eve had been months ago.)

“We need to save Yoshizawa.” It wasn’t a suggestion, nor a question, but in fact a statement. Ren didn’t like the idea of Yoshizawa being around the man who had warped her cognition, warped her mind into believing that she was her dead sister— everything about it was just _wrong_.

(But the road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn’t it? Ren knew that Dr. Maruki wasn’t meaning to do any wrong with what he was doing, but…)

“We both know that trying to go back in to get her is suicide as things are now,” Goro said bluntly, “I suggest that we split up to collect intel and try to pull the others out of this delusion. I’m sure you’re eager to have your friends back, so I can do the investigating on my own.”

His tone suggested that he didn’t want Ren to argue. Ren was tired, and Goro himself looked a bit ragged, so he didn’t press.

“A-Are you—” Goro interrupted him before he could even finish, looking at him sternly. 

“I’m _sure_ , Ren. Let me do this on my own.” After a moment, his shoulders dropped. “ _Please_.” 

(Somehow, that ‘please’ made Ren feel bad for even trying to ask if Goro would be fine on his own. Was he being too clingy? Was Goro sick of him already, despite seeing him only twice since _that_ day?)

He gave Goro a hesitant nod, receiving a pleased look in return that made his stomach flutter.

(Ren would do anything for Goro if he asked, especially if it would keep Goro smiling and looking pleased like _that_.)

Having gotten his way, Goro made a move to leave, only to stop in his tracks. 

“I don’t like abiding by what he says, but we’ll reconvene here on the 9th, with or without your friends.” A pause followed afterwards before Goro exhaled. “Stay firm in your beliefs, Ren. We can’t let him get away with something like this. ...I’ll call you soon.”

And like that, he walked away, leaving Ren alone in front of the Palace walls. 

(Goro walked as if he held the weight of the world on his shoulders. Had Goro always walked and carried himself like that and Ren had never noticed?)

It was strange, being alone like this.

Ren uneasily made his way back to LeBlanc, still thinking about what they had learned. To believe that Maruki-sensei—the one adult that he thought he could _trust_ with things that he hadn’t even told _Sojiro_ — had manipulated him… it hurt. It hurt thinking that once again, an adult had failed him. 

(Joker would be angry. Pissed. He would turn that anger into a sharpened dagger and use that dagger to drive it deep into Takuto Maruki’s heart and make him feel what Ren was feeling now.)

(But he wasn’t Joker.)

Ren wasn’t the only victim of Maruki’s manipulation, either. Yoshizawa—no, _Sumire,_ had spent the past year believing that she was her deceased sister, and it was because of Maruki’s ministrations that she believed so. What had Maruki done to him? What did he believe because the counselor had gently eased him into doing so? 

( ~~Why him? Why was it always him? Hasn’t he suffered enough in this year alone?~~ ) 

Ren stood in silence on the train, feeling dread settle in his gut, its claws burying themselves deep inside of him. If Maruki was intent on making dreams a reality, where would he draw the line? If someone wanted another dead, then who was to stop him from making that wish come true? 

(What if someone had wished that they had never been born?) 

He forced himself to push the grim thoughts away, not wanting to go down that mental path. It wouldn’t do well to linger on things like that.

If Maruki wanted to bring the world’s innermost desires to the surface and make them a reality, he had to be stopped. Ren doubted that Maruki had the power to make the whole world happy, much less all of Japan. It didn’t seem possible. It _couldn’t_ be possible. 

The dread pushed deeper inside of him, clawing its way up to his heart and squeezing it tightly. 

(They had defeated a false god on Christmas Eve, hadn’t they? What if there wasn’t just one? What if there were more?)

(He didn’t want to think about it. _Stop thinking about it_.)

The train slowed to a stop and when Ren had come out of his thoughts, he was standing in front of LeBlanc, the glass door holding the reflection of a boy who looked lost and afraid and _tired_. He wouldn’t have been able to recognise himself if he hadn’t seen the same face for months, the image of a boy who carried the weight of a world that was too heavy on his shoulders. 

The boy disappeared as he opened the door and stepped into the once familiar space of LeBlanc, now filled with strangers that he no longer knew. Sojiro greeted him, along with the ghost of Wakaba Isshiki, Futaba too invested in whatever was on her laptop’s screen to notice that he was back. 

“So,” the ghost said to him slyly, peering at him through her glasses in a way that reminded Ren of her daughter, “did you and Akechi-kun have a nice _chat_? You were gone for an awfully long time.”

Whatever he had planned on saying had died on his throat and caused him to sputter, fervently trying to reassure her that _no,_ the two of them hadn’t done whatever she was thinking, and _no_ , he wasn’t in denial.

A tinkling laugh was all that he got in response, slate grey eyes twinkling with poorly hidden mirth. She didn’t believe him.

(He wouldn’t believe him either, if he were her. But she was a ghost, someone who had died two —nearly three— years ago.)

(How could you be dead if you never truly existed in the first place?) 

Sojiro interrupted the two of them with the clearing of his throat, setting five plates down at the counter, untying his apron and setting it aside. It was almost like he was in the real LeBlanc with the real Sojiro again, but he was quickly reminded that nothing about it was real. 

“Food’s ready, you can continue harassing the kid later, Wakaba,” his guardian said in good nature, but Ren struggled with the thought of sitting in the same room as a dead woman and acting as if things were fine and that he didn’t know anything about her death and how it had affected two people that he had cared about. It made him feel sick.

(Had Goro felt this way too when he walked into LeBlanc that morning? Had he even looked at Wakaba Isshiki, knowing that he was the one who inadvertently caused her death, or had he avoided looking at her? ~~Did it hurt knowing that a previously dead mother had come back to life? Did he wish that his mother was alive too? Had Maruki given him back his mother?~~ )

“Actually,” he began, carefully not looking at anyone in the room, “I uh, I ate when I was out with Goro. I-I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before.” Ren felt their heavy gazes on him, and feeling more uncomfortable than ever, he mumbled a half-assed excuse before running out of LeBlanc, ignoring their calls for him to come back. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t stand in there and act like things were okay, knowing that everything in that room was _fakefakefake_. 

Ren’s phone vibrated, the ringtone cutting through the silence like a knife. He ignored it in favour of pressing against the wall of the alleyways, burying his face in his hands. Was it fair that he was upset about this? Was it fair that he was angry about not being ignorant of this false reality? 

His phone buzzed again, the vibration more insistent than before. Pulling himself out of his pity party, he peeked at the screen only to instantly answer. It was Goro.

“Yoshizawa-san’s parents believe that she’s been at a training camp since yesterday,” Goro began without any sort of preamble, “It seems that Maruki is changing our reality to fit his whims. To think that he has this ability is—”

“—terrifying? Horrific? A blatant show of how fucked we could possibly be if we try going up against him alone?” A dry laugh escaped his lips, and he couldn’t help the trembling that wracked his body, the cold air not helping. “Yeah. I know.” Goro stayed silent for a few moments, making him wonder if he was trying to figure out what to say. Was he shocked by Ren’s words? He heard a sigh come from the other before he began to speak again, his words coming out quicker, unable to stop once he started. “I hate it here, Goro. I hate not knowing what fucked up thing I’m going to see today, I hate seeing the ghost of a woman who died and having to act like she never did in the first place, I hate staring at a guy who used to be my cat.” Then quietly, “ I hate having to become Joker again. I was starting to accept that I’d be Ren Amamiya for the rest of my life and then—” 

“Do you really think that Joker is a completely different person from Ren Amamiya?” 

He stayed silent, biting his lip. _Yes. He is free._

( _Ren Amamiya is the prisoner and he shall forever remain as a prisoner._ )

~~( _How could you ever be free if you never truly existed in the first place?_ ) ~~

“When I look at Joker, I see Ren. When I look at Ren, I see Joker. I see that quiet rebellion that’s just waiting to be unleashed and take the world by storm every time I look into your eyes, regardless of who you think you are in that moment. I see a young man who had suffered in the hands of authority and wanted to make things right, even if nobody believed in him. You both are one and the same; without Ren, there is no Joker. Without Joker, there is no Ren. 

“ _That_ is what makes you fascinating to me.”

A moment of silence, then a small cough. Ren could hear the blood rushing through his ears. 

“That is to say though, there are other things that impress me when it concerns you.”

Warmth flooded through his body, from his ears to his face, down his neck, all the way to his toes. 

Was this Goro’s way of flirting with him? Did he feel the same?

But a thought entered his mind, snatching away and stomping out whatever butterflies had formed from the other’s words: _what was his wish? Is any of this actually real?_

Suddenly, he didn’t feel as warm.

“But going back to what you were saying… quite frankly, yes. It is terrifying. I’ve never seen power to this magnitude before, nothing close. Even your little group has fallen for the fake reality.” Ren flinched at the reminder, tugging at the lapels of his coat with one hand. He knew that the others had believed in the reality that Maruki had carefully crafted for them, and it was hard to not feel disappointed. Was the reality that they were cherry-picking better than the true reality? “You _are_ going to try to see if you can change their minds, aren’t you? As much as I loathe to admit it, it was like you said: we can’t do this alone, Ren, no matter how much more preferable that might be.”

“But what if they don’t want to leave the reality that Maruki made for them?” He asked quietly, sorely wishing that the other was with him. It was a selfish thought, he knew, but Goro being there beside him would help.

(He felt so alone, even if Goro was talking to him.)

(Ren didn’t know what was real anymore.)

“If you can’t snap them out of it, then we’ll do it together.” Goro reassured, and Ren distantly wondered where this extra patience was coming from. Had Goro really noticed how badly this was affecting him, how badly he was coping with everything from November 20th and onward? How was _Goro_ coping with everything that had happened? “I’ll focus on investigating Maruki further. I’ll let you know if anything comes up, Ren. Goodbye.” Ren hung up after Goro did, feeling no better than he did before the call. Could he really pull his friends out of their dreams to fight their counselor?

(Would it make him a bad friend to pull them out of their delusions, where they’re happier than they were in the true reality?) 

He buried his face between his knees, a long exhale passing through his lips.

“Woah there, that didn’t sound happy. Was that Akechi? I thought you guys were toge—” Ren jerked his head up to see his not-cat Morgana standing in front of him, staring at him with piercing blue hues. 

“ _No_. I-I mean, no, we’re not together. Just friends. And yeah, that was him.” Morgana gave a noncommittal hum, as if he almost didn’t believe Ren. After staring at Ren and the sorry state that he was in for a few moments, a small smile appeared on the not-cat’s face. “What?”

“How about all of the Phantom Thieves go someplace sometime, like the hot springs? How does that sound? Perfect, right? We should ask the gang soon.” Ren couldn’t help but be reminded of the situation that they were in right now, the situation that Sumire was in right now; his stomach churned. Was this what Morgana had truly wished for? To be human? “Ren, hey… what’s wrong? Are you tired? I’m sure you’re tired—”

(He had to do it, he had to take them all away from their dreams. Everything in this reality was wrongwrongwrongwrong.) 

“—tell me… are you happy as things are, Morgana?” Looking up, he saw the confusion in Morgana’s eyes and decided to elaborate. “Don’t things seem different to you? Isn’t there something that you’re missing, something that’s clawing at the back of your mind, telling you to _remember_?”

The other male’s face scrunched up as his brows furrowed, eyes looking hazy. “What do you mean? Of course I’m happy. This is what we fought for, right?” Ren stared at him in a silent plea, _needing_ the other to remember. How could he do this if Morgana couldn’t remember anything? Morgana was the thief that he was closest to outside of Crow; what would it mean for them if Ren couldn’t even succeed in pulling the others out of this reality? 

( ~~What did it mean for him as a friend if they preferred this reality to the true one? Would it mean that he wasn’t as important to them as he thought?~~ ) 

“No, wait… that doesn’t sound right. Why did I say that? I… we met in that perverted Kamoshida’s Palace, and fought together… I—”

“Keep remembering,” Ren told him gently, standing up and dusting off his coat. “I believe in you. I know you can do it. Come back to me, Morgana.” Morgana looked as if he had had an epiphany, his eyes wide. “I’ll leave you to think about it.”

Those same wide eyes followed him as he walked away.

Sleep didn’t come to him that night.

It didn’t come to him for the rest of the week, really. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him with every time he forcefully ripped his friends away from their dreams. 

Futaba, her wish to see her deceased mother again.

Ann, wanting to see Shiho again, happy and coming back to Shujin for their final year.

Makoto, getting the family that she had missed growing up, her father alive and her sister more present in her life, their relationship no longer strained.

Ryuji, not wanting to make his mother have to worry about him, his leg healing from the break and landing himself a track scholarship.

Yusuke, only wanting to have the mentor he always wished for, only wanting to have the _father_ he never had the chance to have in the man who had nearly taken everything from him.

Haru, her father doting and offering her the kindness and care that she should have received in the first place. 

(He felt like a monster. What right did he have, taking them away from their dreams? Yes, it hurt to walk up to them only for them to seem distant, but they were happyhappyhappy.)

( ~~What was his dream? What was Goro’s dream?~~ )

But none of them woke up. 

They all avoided him. _Morgana_ avoided him. When Ren was at LeBlanc trying to fight off the ~~piercingachingcoldgrowingpainfu~~ ~~l~~ loneliness that clawed at him every time he would stare at the ghosts and shadows of people that he once knew, Morgana would wander around the city. Every time Ren attempted to message or talk to any of the others, they would look at him with fear in their eyes, their bodies screaming to him just how uncomfortable they were with his presence, before mumbling an excuse and running away from him.

Goro didn’t call him, either. He’d send the occasional text, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Ren missed Goro. Ren missed his _friends_. 

(If this was supposed to be a perfect reality, why wasn’t he happy? In a world where everything is supposed to be perfect, was he just doomed to be unhappy?)

( ~~Was this the world’s way of saying that they didn’t know how to fix him because he had never been entirely whole in the first place?~~ )

And after what seemed to be an eternity, the eve of January 9th had come. Morgana was asleep on the couch, curled up in a position that had to have been uncomfortable. Ren’s back hurt just looking at him, but he grabbed the comforter from his bed and draped it over his not-cat. 

Even though Morgana and the rest of his friends had avoided him, he still cared. He always cared.

A quiet buzzing noise caused him to turn away from the not-cat, his phone’s screen displaying _Goro_ in a bright light. He practically dove for it, heart pumping at the thought of finally being able to talk to Go— someone again without them running away from him. 

“It’s me,” he heard, a warm smile growing on his face at the sound of his detective’s voice. _What a dork_. “I found more information on Maruki during the week that I believe might be useful.” Ren took a moment to sit down, making himself as comfortable as he could on his lumpy mattress so he could give Goro all of his attention. Goro gave him a few seconds before beginning again. “Apparently Maruki has been underqualified to be a school counselor… he’s been researching ‘the treatment of patients through changes in their cognitions’ since his college years. You already knew about that though, right?” Ren gave an affirming hum, not trusting himself to speak. He really didn’t want to talk about Maruki, preferring to talk about other things, but he knew that it was important. Goro sighed, making Ren feel a bit guilty. It wasn’t like _he_ had done any investigative work that week, only talking to his friends then wallowing in self-pity for the rest of the day…

“He told me himself, when I’d go to his sessions,” Ren said quietly, mindful of his sleeping friend, “Sometimes he would ask me questions concerning it, and he’d be pleased with my answers.” A derisive snort came out before he could stop it, feeling extremely bitter. “This is my fault, isn’t it? He never actually cared about being a counselor and helping students, he just wanted his work to get finished. You know, he sought me out specifically because he had seen me, Ann, and Ryuji come out of the Metaverse in the beginning of the year. I… I didn’t know until he confronted me about it, but I should’ve known from all of the loaded questions he kept asking.” He shakily sighed, feeling his eyes sting slightly as he roughly scrubbed away the forming tears. “It’s my fault that things are like this, isn’t it?”

“Are you a fucking moron, or is this your martyr complex speaking for you?” Goro’s voice was harsh, throwing Ren back to _that_ day, the day where he saw a bitter and defeated young man (who had been nothing in the eyes of the world but everything in _his_ ) sacrifice himself. Ren inhaled and held his breath, giving himself a few moments to calm down before he would even think of responding to Goro. Goro had other plans however, and continued to chew him out. “You know, you tend to shoulder the blame a lot. This might be rich coming from me, but has _anyone_ ever told you that that’s wrong? Particularly self-destructive? Or did you not care because you didn’t want to believe it?”

Whatever words he had to say to the other died in his throat, taking away his ability to breathe, choking him. He wanted to say something, to tell Goro that he didn’t always shoulder everything and that he was only shouldering things that he _had_ to, but he would only be proving Goro right, wouldn’t he?

 _Fuck_. 

Another sigh through the phone. (Was he really that irritating?)

“ _Anyways_ ,” Goro stressed, “back to my reason for calling… Maruki’s work had garnered enough investors that he was able to plan breaking ground somewhere for a research facility. As you know, those plans never came to fruition; his funding was unexpectedly cut, and his research was ended for him. If his research was in cognitive pscience, then Shido was likely the one who cut the funding, as he did with—” Goro’s voice grew quiet and he forcefully cleared his throat. They both knew who he was talking about.

“—Wakaba Isshiki,” Ren finished, just as quiet.

“We can assume things, but we may never know for certain as to why it was cut. What we need to be asking is _why_ he decided to go into cognitive pscience. For at least a year, he was undecided in his major, then suddenly went into psychology and began his thesis on cognitive psience. What changed in his life that suddenly made him interested in an obscure branch of psychology? But I digress— that was all that I learned about Maruki’s history. Really, the only thing that I had been able to dig up was his stance on using cognitive psience— he’s dead set on ‘ _saving’_ people.”

Maruki wanted to _save_ people using this reality? 

(Did this mean that he wasn’t worth saving? Was his wish so awful, so fucked up, that Maruki couldn’t grant it?)

“I’m sure he’s absolutely delighted right now, using his power to brainwash people into believing this distorted reality. But… there was one last thing that I wanted to tell you, about the reality that Maruki’s placed us in… by all accounts, Wakaba Isshiki and Kunikazu Okumura are alive. There’s no death certificates, no mention of any accidents concerning them, _nothing_. They aren’t mere illusions, or cognitive beings— they truly are alive and existing in this reality.”

This was bad. Worse than bad, actually, but this is _bad_. Something tugged at the back of his mind, something that had been bothering him ever since he talked to Goro on New Year’s Day.

“Did you find anything on the Phantom Thieves? What about Shido?” He knew that the Phantom Thieves existed in this reality, Morgana had confirmed as much, but what about Shido? Goro was supposed to give the police the evidence that was needed to ensure that he would be put behind bars, but they released him after a quick interrogation. Did that mean that they released Shido too, and that he was laying low?

“The Thieves had caused up a stir in this reality as well, but they had nothing to do with Shido. He was arrested on the charge of attempting to overthrow the government. Essentially, in this reality, you and I haven’t committed any crimes.” They both went silent for a minute, Ren feeling uneasy. Why had Maruki erased their crimes? Why had Maruki erased _his_ crimes, when all that he had done was help people as both a thief and good samaritan? 

(Better yet, _how_ did Maruki have that sort of power?)

“I’m not sure as to how Maruki gained the power to distort reality to such extremes,” Goro echoed his thoughts, “but at least he was honest when he said that he had made revisions, and convenient ones, nonetheless.” His heart dropped into his stomach for a moment at the other’s words. Surely Goro didn’t mean—?

“—We can’t accept this reality,” Ren blurted out unexpectedly loud, freezing in place when Morgana muttered something and twisted into a different position on the couch. He said nothing for what seemed to be forever before relaxing, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. He hadn’t meant to be so loud. “I-I don’t want to live living a lie, Goro.”

“I don’t want to be living underneath Maruki’s thumb forever, either. I refuse to live that way. _I_ will be the one to choose my own path, not some washed up researcher who has a god complex and thinks that he knows what’s best for everyone. That’s how I lived up until now, and it will continue from here ‘til the end.” There was another pause. How many times were they going to stop and sigh and wonder how things got like this? 

(He felt so tired.) 

“But are you sure that you’re willing to leave this reality, Ren?”

“I— what?” It almost hurt hearing Goro doubt him like that, but he knew that Goro meant well. In Goro’s eyes, Ren’s friends meant everything to him. And he was right, to a degree, but they weren’t necessarily the most important people to him.

Goro had taken that spot and guarded it jealously, as if he ever had competition for the place in Ren’s heart in the first place. 

(There wasn’t anyone who could compare to Goro; Goro was his rival, his other side of the coin, his soulmate. Nobody could ever take that place away from him.)

“You’ve seen it for yourself. All of your friends are living happily here. They seem to have taken a liking to how things are now. You haven’t changed your mind after talking to them, have you?” Without Ren noticing when, Goro’s voice had taken on a more pleading, more desperate tone. “I can’t do this alone, Ren, I need you there with me. Do you understand? _I can’t do this alone_.”

“You won’t be doing it alone,” Ren gently reassured, “I’ll be right there with you tomorrow when we confront Maruki.” The other side of the phone was silent for the most part, as if Goro had realised what he had said. A shaky exhale followed the sound of rustling bedsheets. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, goodnight.” After Goro hung up, Ren sat in silence for a bit, flinching when Morgana spoke up. When had he woke up? 

“Are you going somewhere tomorrow?” The not-cat asked, propping himself up on his arm to look at Ren. Ren couldn’t meet his eyes. 

“Ah, yeah. Going to Odaiba with Goro.” He really didn’t want to talk to Morgana, not right now. Ren knew that it wasn’t quite Morgana’s fault that he had bought into Maruki’s reality, but the memory of Morgana going out of his way to avoid him caused his chest to clench painfully.

“Are you sure that you guys aren’t dating? I mean, you guys have been hanging out a lot more lately,” his friend pestered, the hurt that was gripping his chest tightening before it suddenly became toomuchtoomuchtoomuchithurtshurtshurts—

“You know,” Ren spat, “We’ve been hanging out a lot more because _some friends_ of mine won’t even talk to me and avoid me like the plague. You’ve gone out of your way to make sure that I haven’t been around you up until this point, so don’t act like you don’t know what’s going on— don’t say things like that— _you know nothing_ .” His chest heaved from the force of the anger that he felt, and for once, getting angry _helped._ Morgana stared at him in shock, mouth gaping slightly. Getting angry wasn’t how Ren worked; he preferred working through it, working through his feelings so he wouldn’t explode like hot glass on a cold counter.

“I—I… You were the one who was saying weird stuff!” Morgana shot back, bristling, “You can’t just ask questions like that, it’s weird!” 

( _Why am I so angry?_ ) 

“If anything, all of the Thieves have been acting weird since the New Year’s,” Ren rebutted, lifting his head to meet Morgana’s eyes for once. “Me and Goro are the only ones acting _normal_ around here.” He slumped over, the anger fizzling out within seconds and only leaving sorrow in its place. “It isn’t fair, everyone around me is so happy and all I can see is how _wrong_ everything is.”

His mattress dipped slightly as Morgana sat beside him. A hand touched his shoulder (but it wasn’t of leather, it wasn’t of safetycomforthomelove, it was a hand that did not belong, a hand that wasn’t _right_ ).

“I’m not saying that relationships fix issues, but maybe you should talk to Akechi. You seem to talk more and smile around him, too. To me, it sounds like you’ve fallen pretty hard and seeing everyone else so happy while you aren’t is just making you miserable.” Giving Ren one last pat on the shoulder, Morgana stood up and grabbed the comforter off of the couch, handing it to Ren. “Goodnight, Ren. Have fun tomorrow and maybe think about talking to Akechi, okay? I’m rooting for you.”

(There really wasn’t anything to root for, though.)

It looked like Morgana had made his choice. 

Ren curled in on himself and turned away from Morgana, trying to not think about how he had failed to convince his friend that things weren’t right. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He didn’t sleep well that night, either.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [my Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/x_tobefree_x) for updates (and shitposts) if you're over 18 and want to know when I'll update next!


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